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submitted 11 months ago by Emperor@feddit.uk to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/3045623

He said it made him think: “You can’t arrest me no more; I’ve seen your private parts.”

He said any respect he had for her work or the department disintegrated after he recognised her as an OnlyFans model. “I wouldn’t want her to be arresting me and I just saw you and your husband last night for $29.99 have sex on OnlyFans. I just can’t respect you or the precinct that you’re working at,” he continued.

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[-] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 163 points 11 months ago

Ah yes, the ol' Incel defense: You can’t cite me bc I don’t respect you.

[-] kn33@lemmy.world 56 points 11 months ago

Right? I don't respect cops in general, but I still have a speeding ticket on my record.

[-] CoderKat@lemm.ee 23 points 11 months ago

The "fun" intersection of incel with sovereign citizen bullshit.

[-] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 150 points 11 months ago

“Cool story bro thanks for $30 now get in the fucking car and be quiet”

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[-] mrcleanup@lemmy.world 117 points 11 months ago

Narrator: she could, in fact, arrest him.

[-] someguy3@lemmy.ca 8 points 11 months ago

You could make a documentary about this.

[-] originalfrozenbanana@lemm.ee 102 points 11 months ago

He can’t respect her because she’s a sex worker and not because she’s a cop? Man talk about being right for the wrong reasons

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[-] Szymon@lemmy.ca 98 points 11 months ago

Who the fuck pays $30 to watch an online sex video?

[-] imPastaSyndrome@lemm.ee 37 points 11 months ago

People who want to try out this cool trick

[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 20 points 11 months ago

"The police hate this one cool trick"

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[-] kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E@lemmy.world 76 points 11 months ago

Being on OF definitely doesn't grand the right to pull over drivers! Being a cop however, does..

[-] FourzerotwoFAILS@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago

Just have to hit him back with the “I can’t respect you or anything you do because you pay $29.99 for porn when you can just get it for free. So your bail is now doubled as you clearly have more money than you need.”

[-] Steak@lemmy.ca 74 points 11 months ago

"you can't arrest me no more, I've seen your privates" lmfao

[-] Rayspekt@kbin.social 30 points 11 months ago

Cops hate this simple trick

[-] Arthur_Leywin@lemmy.world 70 points 11 months ago

Bro paid to watch her and says he can't respect HER. Ok

[-] theKalash@feddit.ch 60 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

It's a nice loophole, but following all your local cops' OnlyFans can be expensive.

Much better to just go after the OnlyFans of judges. They can't sentence you if you've seen their private parts.

[-] originalfrozenbanana@lemm.ee 9 points 11 months ago

This person crimes

[-] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 50 points 11 months ago

How much Does he spend on OnlyFans to accidentally stumble upon a local cop from his area? Is he looking to Platinum OnlyFans?

[-] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 34 points 11 months ago

Wait...

This isn't the onion?????

What the fuck lmao

[-] Mic_Check_One_Two@reddthat.com 13 points 11 months ago

Check which community you’re on rofl

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[-] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 46 points 11 months ago

“I wouldn’t want her to be arresting me"

Most people wouldn't want anyone to arrest them. Arrest is done against the arrestee's will. That's kind of the point.

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[-] Aggravationstation@lemmy.world 39 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Reminds me of those Sovereign citizen videos on Youtube. People are sitting in their cars feeling all high and mighty filming the cops saying they can't arrest them for X or Y reason then the cops just bust their windows and pull them out whilst they're still screaming their bullshit. I'm not the biggest fan of the police but I do find those videos satisfying.

[-] Adalast@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago

I have actually heard from several police officers from a variety of departments that when they e counter a Sovereign Citizen they tend to have a policy to drop the situation unless it is a felony offence because too many officers have been gunned down by them over traffic stops and such.

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[-] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 37 points 11 months ago

Cops already want to shoot you and your dog, and your brilliant move is to dunk on them?

[-] Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 34 points 11 months ago

Gynaecologists never get arrested. Coincidence?

[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 12 points 11 months ago
[-] Noodle07@lemmy.world 17 points 11 months ago

Yup that's how the job works

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[-] Chariotwheel@kbin.social 27 points 11 months ago

I too don't have any respect for people who have sex. I only respect asexuals.

[-] SkyeStarfall@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 11 months ago

Unfortunately for you, not all asexual people don't have sex. The amount of people you respect just keeps on dwindling 😔

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[-] ndru@lemmy.world 26 points 11 months ago

Some people guide their behaviour by a sense of morality.

Others are guided by the threat of authority.

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[-] TheBat@lemmy.world 24 points 11 months ago
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[-] Kase@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago

I wanna know who's behind the onion and how tf they come up with this stuff. This is gold.

[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 16 points 11 months ago
[-] Kase@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago

Oh god oh god I'm an idiot

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[-] ErwinLottemann@feddit.de 13 points 11 months ago

more than two hours and still no link? 😱

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[-] cmbabul@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

If this actually worked there would’ve been a black market of naked cop videos

[-] joe@lemmy.today 10 points 11 months ago

It's a shame that hardworking people with real jobs these days have to take on a side hustle as a cop just to make ends meet 😞

[-] Spendrill@lemm.ee 9 points 11 months ago

Did The Onion manage to sell one of their stories to the Indie?

[-] RobertOwnageJunior@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago

You paid for porn, you're worse.

[-] Peaty@sh.itjust.works 20 points 11 months ago

Yes let us all go about not compensating people for their work. That surely will not be a problem.

[-] GiveOver@feddit.uk 16 points 11 months ago

In the context of the guy saying he lost all respect for her, it's fair to say he is worse. He gave her money. She's the superior one.

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this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
353 points (94.0% liked)

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