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Did you also check out GoToSocial? It’s a very light Mastodon-compatible server, but comes without a user-facing GUI. So you need to use a client app.
However, I don’t know whether it can be easily migrated to from Mastodon.
That does seem like a good option for my use case, interestingly they note that no matter what I switch to I should change the subdomain:
That doesn't look promising for moving the account without migrating because then I couldn't maintain my username.
Have you checked GotoSocial's docs on split-domain deployments?
https://docs.gotosocial.org/en/latest/advanced/host-account-domain/
It looks like something you would want. (I will admit I have no experience with it though)