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I cracked the code. I married my best friend. Now I get to hang out with my best friend every single day!

I also had a rule that I would live with them for at least 1 year before committing to a proposal. I had to know in advance that I could live with this person, at their best AND worst every single day, before I would even consider marriage.

So many marriages fell apart during the pandemic because so many people had to be trapped in their house with their spouse all day and quickly learned that they didn't really like spending time with them. But not me and my spouse; it was the normal routine for us, but more of it!

Personally, we like to spend time near each other, but not necessarily doing the exact same things together. It's important to have different hobbies that the other can respect, but not necessarily be all-in with you. Because doing the same things with a partner every day can get exhausting.

For instance, my wife spends 90% of her awake time playing mobile games on her phone. I love to spend time indulging in hobbies online. We'll both sit in the same room together all day, but be engaged in our own things.

When we want to do something together, we'll both agree to switch to that. For example, we both love watching movies and binging TV shows. So when one of us moves to the couch, that's usually a sign that they're up for watching something and we'll both decide on what to watch together.

It also helps to not be solely interested in someone for their looks. Looks fade, and unless you find a personality under those looks that meshes well with yours, you'll eventually find yourself frustrated and trapped with someone you don't get along with. Looks are a bonus; no relationship should be focused solely on that, unless you mutually agree in advance that the relationship is meant to be a fling based on looks and passionate desire. Which can be beautiful in its own way, but may not lead to marriage.

I also love marriage. I could chuck my wife off a bridge some days, and at times she admits she deserves it, but 95% of the time we are having a wonderful time. 9 years married, 14 years together. Apparently a lot of people marry women they don't get along with and then wonder why their marriage sucks. Or have kids to "bring them closer together".

Did they not love you before you got married? Only thing that changed for me was -£10k

Glad it's worked well for the original OP.

I still remember reading in the book "Thinking Fast and Slow" and the research they presented on happiness. Apparently their data averaged out to: 1. baseline happiness when single, 2. big spike up in the first year of marriage, 3. Settles at a permanent level below the baseline (from when single).