this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2025
474 points (97.6% liked)

Greentext

5505 readers
2124 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] echodot@feddit.uk 30 points 7 hours ago

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 24 points 7 hours ago

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 6 points 6 hours ago

It's under the bed.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 27 points 10 hours ago (7 children)

Do people actually do this?

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 34 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Sorry, I thought the implication was that someone intentionally slept with one in. I don't know how you'd sleep like that.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 3 points 21 minutes ago

falling asleep is the easy part, the hard part is waking up with a sore asshole knowing you need to make it worse to make it better

[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 35 points 10 hours ago (4 children)

Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 6 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 7 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Attracted to the same gender

[–] Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 12 points 7 hours ago

4chan makes me believe it more in this case

[–] Majorllama@lemmy.world 10 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

Literally on 4chan as a header.

[–] licheas@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 hour ago

also, a statement by Fox News lawyers. (though maybe they used the word "entertainment" instead.)

[–] padge@lemmy.zip 11 points 9 hours ago

Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 15 points 10 hours ago (3 children)
[–] samteria@lemm.ee 3 points 1 hour ago (1 children)
[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

Women amirite

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 4 points 1 hour ago (1 children)
[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

That's the thing. I'd be horny all night and wouldn't be able to sleep.

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 2 points 30 minutes ago

Hard not to fall asleep at 4am after that 10 hour goon sesh.

Mostly joking.

[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 4 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 6 points 4 hours ago

It's not out of the realm of possibility

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 64 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

Know your local mythology.

[–] S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

Shart Fariy 🧚💩

[–] PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat 146 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."

[–] unconsciousvoidling@sh.itjust.works 11 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 3 points 8 hours ago (1 children)
[–] prenatal_confusion@feddit.org 21 points 8 hours ago

Subscribe to my only fans to find out more.

[–] Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz 44 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Occam's razor and all that

[–] Cordyceps_cereal@lemmynsfw.com 16 points 11 hours ago

Occam's buttplug

[–] EndofLife@feddit.org 197 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.

[–] ghostrider2112@lemmy.world 56 points 14 hours ago (1 children)
[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 38 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 162 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 122 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

but sadly, Anon is American

[–] DannyBoy@sh.itjust.works 85 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

The worst condition of them all.

[–] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] 404@lemmy.zip 22 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 9 points 9 hours ago

for OOP, yes

[–] 000999@lemmy.dbzer0.com 99 points 15 hours ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 63 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

Did it have a flared end?

If yes:

It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.

or

He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

If no:

Butt plug goblins.

They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

Way worse than your dog eating your homework

load more comments
view more: next ›