this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2023
633 points (97.3% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26796 readers
2840 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
all 40 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 40 points 1 year ago (5 children)

A reminder for the uncivilized savages from a very civilized gentleman with a sweet smelling asshole: WASH YOUR ASS WITH WATER. USE A BIDET OR A BUM GUN.

Why are Americans okay with shooting up schools but not ok with shooting up their own assholes?! Bum guns also don't require reloading! You can fire as much as you want! Use Bum guns πŸ‘.

[–] dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I’m a heavy shitter, I shit alot and I shit so much my ass crack looks like caramelized fondu. When I go outside flys swarm around my ass and get stuck on my sticky ass crack. Everyone would avoid me in the local Walmart when I shop for gaming supplies (Doritos and Dr Pepper mostly). I have difficultly wiping because I can’t physically reach under there and I can’t stand up in the shower. One day my mom told me to lose weight (yeah thanks for bullying me again mom πŸ˜’) and I know I’m a little heavy at the moment because I have to use cooking oil to greese up the doorframes so I can squeeze through but that’s only because of capitalism shrinking all the rental apartments and cramming as many people in as possible. Anyway I was playing Amongus and one of my femboy friends told me about bidgets. At first I was like β€œhuh?” and he explained that because he plays Genshin he cannot physically leave the house or bathe and he has a special toilet that cleans his butthole for him. So I ordered one off Amazon and my god it is the best thing ever, now this device shoots water up my asshole and poof! No more shit streaked stretch pants woohoo!

[–] HappycamperNZ@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

What a terrible day to be literate in this masterful world you have created.

[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

That's amazing! Btw, what's ur femboy friend's snap?

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm afraid to Google this. What is a bum gun. I already have a bidet.

[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] Smokeydope@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Oh I think my sink has one of those will have to try it out

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Oh. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

[–] bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 year ago

Super soaker with a 1200 psi stream focusing attachment

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

I love bums

[–] 601error@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If paper is good enough for wiping the shit from my hands, it’s good enough for wiping the shit from my ass.

[–] sneezycat@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago

And this is why I don't like handshakes.

[–] 257m@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As a child I was to taught to use a Lota and I have never used anything else. Is that grosser than toilet paper or better?

[–] UraniumBlazer@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

A less elegant solution, sure. But much better than using paper for god's sake!

[–] comador@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I love that they took the time to replace the bottle with a TP roll and add the package of TP in the background, but couldn't be bothered to modify the sign or product description.

[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Here I fixed it

[–] takeda@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm confused. In the description I see Snuggle and the toilet paper is Snuggle. I can't read the more detailed description due to poor resolution.

Yeah, Lemmy is a weird place sometimes, and people can be brainless with upvoting.

[–] mrfriki@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

Literal shit post.

[–] metaStatic@kbin.social 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I'd bet on it not being USD though based on the Caribbean lager behind her.

[–] takeda@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Maybe it was during covid? ;)

BTW: I love how TP is answer to but cataclysm. This year they're was extremely rare hurricane coming to Southern California and again saw a lot of carts on Costco with one or two packs of TP day before it hit.

[–] Lev_Astov@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Well, TP is the answer to butt cataclysms.

[–] uranibaba@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

That's a shit job.

[–] jaschen@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

WHY IS IT 90 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR TOILET PAPER!??!?!?!

[–] Kiddkao@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Because life happens outside USA too

[–] jaschen@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

Oh whew. It's rupees.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Spread your checks and lift your sack

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago

𝅘𝅥𝅮 send your asshole into shock 𝅘𝅥𝅮

"Honey muffle and crunches You can really taste the 3ply

[–] Jon_Servo@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Remember when TP companies lied to us and said that bigger tubes made it easier to unwind the paper, and had nothing to do at all with being able to charge the same amount for less TP?

Anyway yeah, this tube is ridiculous.

[–] jcg@halubilo.social 1 points 1 year ago

I buy TP without tubes

I am a monster

[–] uis@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

This is real shitpost

[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 year ago

Mr Whipple is gonna be pissed

[–] terry_tibbs@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 year ago

Let me know when I can trial a bidet.

[–] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago

you know the answer to both of those questions