Asklemmy

The type of shit (or lack thereof) that I came here to subscribe.

You could try surviving on Soylent or an equivalent. It's the nutrients you need to stay alive and operating normally stripped down to the bare minimum (so less material for you to have to poop). It might be diluted in water but that could be minimised and that small amount would probably leave you though sweat/breath anyway.

I'm pretty Sure you are a Woman going on a hike for multiple days and you don't want to poop in the wild? These problems sound quite familiar xD

Not sure if this is a troll post...

But in case not, in my experience black chocolate and banana helps in these kind of situations...

And don't drink apple or grape juice, or the opposite will happen 🙃

I was here when the no-shit post jump started the popularity of this platform. My children will be so proud

Honestly, the edits didn’t clarify much. I’m nearly as confused by this whole situation as I was the first time I read the post

please stop talking about how this post is going to be on lectures 10 years later and help this guy, he NEED help lmao

I was here witnessing lemmy history being made and I will probably die of curiosity if we do not get an update. I do not have any tips. I just hope that you come back safe and sound.

I'm here for whatever this ends up being

I’d you can eat meat, beef jerky. Generally any high protein, low carb diet will be low output. Not sure about the sweating though.

Get your bowels empty in the days leading up to it. So don’t eat. Anything. 2 days before you can relieve yourself start eating small amounts of protein.

Or, better yet, don’t even try to do this. You’re very unlikely to succeed and therefore your effort is going into preventing an inevitable situation rather than figuring out how to deal with the inevitable problem once it arrives.

Canned tuna. It's very dry and almost all protein so most of it gets absorbed by the body and you'll be pooping neat little bricks.

I haven't seen any comments suggesting a plug, so I guess it'll be me. Try using a butt plug.

I think this is for some sort of fanfic or roleplay, so:

Military food. If you want something old fashioned but not so bland like the european bread take a look at what paraguayan soldiers used during the three aliances war.

Has anybody considered OP may be getting railed by a giant schlong?

Honestly, If u dont want to poop and eat as little as possible i would consider fasting. If zero food is too intimidating - pack some nuts.

Steak and eggs, it's what astronauts use to not shit for days. your body absorbs most of the material rather than excreting it. your looking for anything "low residue".

lol this is hilarious, and I also hope you're okay, OP!

Now, some say this is the first Lemmy meme. I'm not sure that's the case, for what it's worth. However, it does feel exciting to see a meta moment like this! So absurd! 😂

I was here for... Whatever this is...

Just start taking Adderall. If you're anything like me, you will have to remind yourself to eat more than 500 calories a day and then you will find yourself questioning how many days it has been since you even felt the need to poop.

NOSHITGANG

It’s been 6 days since the original post. OP was 3 days out from the poopless leg of his trip. OP, I hope everything went according to plan!

Please update when back!

Aha! You are joining the circus!!!

You said if we guess you'd confirm so here's my attempt.

Are you participating in like one of those TV competitions? Will you be filmed if you poop and that's why you'd rather not?

It's about preparation. Approximate gut motility for a healthy adult on a light diet is about 48-60 hours. So, stop eating 3 days before you leave, poop out all you possibly can before your 3 day period starts. Drink about 500ml water per day in the days leading up to the 3 day period. It wouldn't hurt to prep with a mild laxative to remove as much gut content as possible.

Once the timer starts, start eating small amounts only after the first day. For water, about 500ml per day. The good news is that what you pee out can't take much more space than the fresh water you drink.

This assumes you are relatively sedentary. If you perform manual labor during the 3 day period, you'll need to increase water intake, and possibly food intake, to avoid exhaustion.

I just hope OP posts an update if he made it 3 days or not