this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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Listen, don't interrupt a conversation with stuff about you. Take the time to listen to them and ask questions, it goes a long way.
I've started to have such a massive problem around this one lately. I'm a good, maybe even great listener, and when I'm with another good listener, some real nice and deep conversations emerge, which I really treasure.
The problem is that the amount of other good listeners around me has shrunk to nearly no one, and I feel myself completely squeezed out of every conversation I engage in. Even a one-on-one dialogue can turn into a monologue where I'm not able to fit in more than a syllable here and there.
It's really deteriorating my self esteem and level of happiness. Really feels like not even my closest friends and family give a shit about any part of my life or my person.
Just the same used to happen to me. Then I started to take charge of my life.
I learn to say no. I throw away people making only noises. I cut all the craps from my life. Alone and contented, I am much better than my past. And when i do find good listeners, there is some significant talk.
You also need to make some short witty satirical comments in between, to shake them, like Mark Twain's.
I have a lot of trouble with this, I guess issues with egocentrism. For me, listening is trying to understand their perspective, and picturing how I would see things from where they are standing very often wraps around to finding an experience that I've had, or things that I understand, that are analogous. Those things help me get a better grip on what this person is saying. I haven't really found a way around this, when I really try to not inject my own anecdotes I end up not really contributing much substance and often not following as well, and I feel like a much worse listener because of that.
As I've grown older I've realized that I've always had some trouble with auditory processing in general, so interjecting is a way I can slow down the conversation before I get lost and make sure I'm still on track.