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I understand what you mean. There is an important point here though; we're not talking about friends, coworkers, that random barista, or anyone else finding out about you after the fact. We're talking about parents and their kid.
And I'm not saying it is easy either. But it is the role of parents to look after their kid when they're young. Nobody's saying that's easy, and nobody's saying that some random busybody should have seen the sign. We're talking about people that should have been the closest and the most warry about this situation.
It certainly is possible to miss it. But if the closest, most concerned, most incentivized to care people are not enough to at least have some fleeting suspicion about their kid's behavior, then we may as well pull the collective plug of our specie outta the wall.