this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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I'm going out on what is kind of sort of a date but I don't know what I'm doing. Would appreciate some thoughts lol (lemmy.world)
submitted 19 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) by dingus@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world
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Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks

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[–] LastoftheDinosaurs@reddthat.com 3 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

It's probably easier said than done, but try to remember that they likely already find you attractive, or they wouldn't have agreed to the date.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (2 children)

I don't mean that no one finds me attractive (not that I am some level of celebrity beauty or anything). I mean the other way around. I don't have the capacity to find others attractive.

Don't get me wrong, I can tell the difference between a good looking and an ugly person. It just doesn't do much for me. It's like having a nice landscape painting. It's nice but I don't feel some type of way about it.

[–] SandLight@lemmy.world 4 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

So focus on getting to know the person and try to enjoy the hike. Long term, the real beauty of any relationship (be it romantic, family, or something else) is having people you can like spending time with and can trust worth your celebrations and troubles.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

Yes that's basically all I want out of any type of relationship!

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 1 points 16 hours ago

So you're asexual. That's the sort of thing you want to let a romantic partner know pretty early on.

Having adult conversations about expectations is one of the beauties of being an adult. You can have the conversation early on about what you do and don't want. And then if it doesn't match what they want, go on your separate ways.