this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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I'm a bit lost here, to be fair. I went full no contact with my family back when I was 16. Took a hike, even across countries. So, apparently what happened, was my ex brother in law not keeping his mouth shut and sharing my number with my family. I still can't make heads or tails of it. But now my dad wants to be real chummy and friendy with me? Fuck that, honestly. I'm not super mad at him, more at the rest of my family, but it seriously hurts right now. What am I supposed to do? I'm at a loss here. Haven't really talked to the person for over 21 years.

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[–] CaptObvious@literature.cafe 2 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

With respect, 16 year old brains are not physically developed enough to make that decision. It’s why we don’t let them vote.

Things may look different today. I stand by my suggestion.

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 3 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

anyone who's been abused as a teenager could tell your differently. your advice is wrong, sorry.

[–] CTDummy@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Yeah the guy isn’t a stranger to L takes. “Maybe cut the guy some slack” pfffft. Abused or neglected at 16? Nah you're too young to know that apparently.

[–] CaptObvious@literature.cafe 0 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

It isn’t really. But you are, of course, entitled to your opinion.

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Entitled is an ironic choice of words for someone who's never been abused and says teenage abuse victims aren't "developed enough" to go no-contact with their abuser. Foolish human. If you respond I'll block you instantly without reading it to verify that you've read and understood my comment.

[–] ZDL@ttrpg.network 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 1 points 2 weeks ago

The person I'm talking to discredits teenage victims of abuse who choose to cut off their abuser by saying that they're not "developed" enough to decide when the abuse stops. And you're offended by what I said? Fuck off.

[–] CaptObvious@literature.cafe 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Fuck off. Stop assuming that you know anything about me, foolish asshole.

Now that the BLUF is out of the way, and I know that you've read and understood my comment, I'll do you a solid to show that there are no hard feelings. You're blocked.

[–] CTDummy@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

A completely unsurprising response given your idiotic takes in the thread so far. Sounds like you need more education in your “area of professional study.” Or just any education would do.

[–] x00z@lemmy.world -2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

16 year olds would call getting grounded abuse. But there's not enough info to know whats up in any way.

But you do seem like an absolute asshole, so I'm blocking you. And no I'm not the person you replied to.

[–] CTDummy@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

There’s (edit:was) enough info in the thread to read between the lines enough to know it wasn’t anything on par with “grounding”. Implying most 16 years old call grounding abuse sure is helpful in a thread like this though. As if someone maintains 20 years NC because of grounding.

Sounds like you’re doing them a favour by blocking them if you think saying the equivalent of “just get over it” is reasonable.

[–] x00z@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I merely add another such thing that can be interpreted out of nowhere just as they are doing.

No need to read between the lines if you're making assumptions to justify a perspective.

[–] CTDummy@lemm.ee 0 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I’m not reading between lines. You’re the one who trivialised the issue by asserting 16 years olds call grounding abuse and did so in the context of this post. As I said before they removed it (due to privacy I suspect) there was enough to know it was nowhere trivial enough to be compared to grounding. Frankly in the OP alone there’s still enough information to draw that conclusion.

If you and @CaptObvious@literature.cafe can’t read through the thread and/or lack experience with childhood abuse probably best not weigh in on such matters and keep your poorly informed opinions to yourselves.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 weeks ago

Jesus fucking christ dude

[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Also with due respect, your opinion is wrong. I work with badly abused people, and those that CAN escape from toxicity at the earliest have it "best". Some could never escape. There are 12yr old who have a forced maturity that you often don't even find in 40+ olds. Which is not really a good thing.

Please, i don't wanna sound condescending or so, but widen your horizon in that regard please.

[–] CaptObvious@literature.cafe -2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My "opinion" is not wrong. It is scientific fact. Adolescent development is an area of my professional study.

Are there abused children in the world? Yes. Are their brains well-enough developed to make any lifelong decisions? No. That doesn't mean that they don't deserve help. It does mean that they are not mature enough to understand the ramifications of a no-contact decision.

I don't wanna sound condescending, but please base your own opinions in fact.

[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Facts? So heavily abused children should stay with their abusers forever because their "brain is not well-enough to make any lifelong decisions hence they are not... "? This is the most absurd thing I've heard in a while. Not saying their brain isn't perfectly well adjusted. No shit sherlock, that's old news. Just the conclusion is... Very questionable. The ramifications of a no-contact-decision is the faint possibility of starting a therapy and get slightly better.

Anyone abused in whatever way, no matter how mature their brain is, should leave the abusive environment (at the very least. And get help at the acceptable best) . Isn't that like the most basic survival-tactic? Avoid any kind of harm at all costs however possible.

[–] CaptObvious@literature.cafe -3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

And now we know that you can’t (or won’t) read. That’s ok. But I do think that we’ve exhausted the possibilities of this conversation.

[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

We sure did. But please, do continue your "studies", you never know when it might come in handy.

[–] CTDummy@lemm.ee 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Yeah I’m glad I wasn’t the only one to pick up their attempt to appeal to their own non-existent qualifications. Their field “was and is linguistics” (and a technical advisor, scuba certified hiker, former school teacher, former journalist and presumably navy seal). Who was apparently born in the 70s and alive during the Cold War era. They also don’t believe in mobile phones being addictive.

If the fact that they thought “young brains aren’t finished developing” was a profound point isn’t enough to discourage anyone taking them seriously; all of that should be. Block and ignore them. Not worth wasting the brain cells over.

[–] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Their point was that the kid's brain isn't well enough adjusted to understand the ramifications of a permanent non-contact-decision. While part 1 isn't wrong, part 2 is so horribly off, even to the point of someone seemingly fearing their toy might be leaving. Not saying pedo, but either that, silly conclusion or a total lack of empathy.

And nah, i rarely block nor ignore. Most people fight for their point to the death, even if they already know it's bonkers. Even "science"-people who totally shouldn't, as it's never a personal fight in science. And trying to indicate some kind of authority on the topic is fine too. I did it myself. Those who really have, know the difference of stating and posing it.

[–] CTDummy@lemm.ee 1 points 2 weeks ago

Trying to indicate authority on a subject is fine if it’s relevant to the discussion which I would argue their isn’t. The rest I agree with and find commendable. I haven’t blocked them either but it’s my go to suggestion for others dealing with posters like this.