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Some things are just impossible to spin. Having to lower conscription to 18 is one of those. You can't pretend that Russia is losing 10 people to every Ukrainian at that point or that Ukraine has no casualties. The visceral reaction to kids being sent to war overrules everything else, and then you start realizing that the older men got no training whatsoever either.
Ukraine not publishing statistics and hiding the extent of their loss in the war is calculated and was calculated from the beginning this quite literally supported top to bottom by nationalists.
Nationalists have a brain disease. My Ukranian family literally took the party line to the point where they won't talk about the war, when we ask if they're okay and what's happening they give a vague noncommittal answer. They got mad at my parents for helping one of my cousin's wife and children to escape to Germany. They literally refused to talk to us when we saw on LiveMapUa that missiles hit their town and a substation was destroyed.
There's no spin needed. The nationalist among them don't have any other story to tell but the strongest ethnonationalist bullshit, they're the ones in charge and the ones that are prosecuting this war. They have the rest of them captive. That's why they shelled DNR into the ground before the war got hot.
I meant spin mostly for foreign audiences, right. The euro-american NATOist who feels very strongly about the war is just a coward several million steps removed from it all. Whereas your family is in the thick of it. At the very least they are trying to survive mentally, and are invested in the war in a much more visceral way. Their rationalizations are much more powerfully built and that's without even considering, as you mentioned, the ethnonationalist side of it all.