this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
102 points (100.0% liked)

askchapo

22819 readers
168 users here now

Ask Hexbear is the place to ask and answer ~~thought-provoking~~ questions.

Rules:

  1. Posts must ask a question.

  2. If the question asked is serious, answer seriously.

  3. Questions where you want to learn more about socialism are allowed, but questions in bad faith are not.

  4. Try !feedback@hexbear.net if you're having questions about regarding moderation, site policy, the site itself, development, volunteering or the mod team.

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
 

So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] TheLepidopterists@hexbear.net 40 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Several of them have been in the past.

I've always preferred to wear my hair a little long, when I was in elementary school the other kids called me transphobic slurs several times. To be clear, I am cis, but it still hurt seven year old TheLepidopterists's feelings.

The idea that expressing feelings other than anger is inappropriate for boys was also not great for me growing up, but the folks in the bell hooks book club thread have elaborated on that way more eloquently than I could.

EDIT: just realized this said cis-het which is only half true, but in spite of being attracted to men as, I've only ever dated women (I wasn't even consciously aware of being attracted to men as well until I was years and one kid into a relationship with my wife, who rules and is the only person I'm interested in a relationship with). I do present fairly straight though, I think and socially I'm I think effectively cis-het.

[–] Carcharodonna@hexbear.net 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I've always preferred to wear my hair a little long, when I was in elementary school the other kids called me transphobic slurs several times. To be clear, I am cis, but it still hurt seven year old TheLepidopterists's feelings.

I'm sorry that happened to you sadness

It's of course a bit different for me, but I also really hated being made to feel ashamed for anything I might do that could be considered "girly" at all. I even made a funny post about this topic recently. There is a scene in I Saw the TV Glow where the evil dad says something like "Isn't that a show for girls?" and it cut through me pretty hard having heard it so many times and having that fear/shame ingrained into me. But yeah, policing gender norms is pretty evil, including when it's done to cis men, and we should all push back against it whenever and wherever it appears.

[–] Bureaucrat@hexbear.net 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Isn't that a show for girls

Me and enjoying WINX deeper-sadness

[–] TheLepidopterists@hexbear.net 2 points 2 weeks ago

I'm old so it was Sailor Moon. Many such cases in my age bracket.

load more comments (1 replies)