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Sounds like you were out of resources. That is the goal of a DoS attack, but you'd need connection logs to detect if that was the case.
DDoS attacks are very tricky to defend. (Source: I work in DDoS defence). There's two sections to defense, detection and mitigation.
Detection is very easy, just look at packets. A very common DDoS attack uses UDP services to amplify your request to a bigger response, but then spoof your src ip to the target. So large amounts of traffic is likely an attack, out of band udp traffic is likely an attack. And large amount of inband traffic could be an attack.
Mitigation is trickier. You need something that can handle a massive amount of packet inspection and black holing. That's done serious hardware. A script kiddie can buy a 20Gbe/1mpps attack with their moms credit card very easily.
Your defence options are a little limited. If your cloud provider has WAF, use it. You may be able to get rules that block common botnets. Cloudflare is another decent option, they'll man in the middle your services, and run detection and mitigation on all traffic. They also have a decent WAF.
Best of luck!
Having followed many reports of denial of service activity of Lemmy, I don't think this is the common mode. Attacks I'd heard of involve:
Essentially the low-hanging fruit is low enough that distributed attacks, amplification, and attacks on bandwidth or the networking stack itself are just unnecessary. A WAF is still a good if indeed OPs instance is getting attacked, but I'd be surprised if wafs has built-in rules for lemmy yet. I somewhat suspect one would have to do the DB query analysis to identify slow queries and then write custom waf rules to rate limit the corresponding API calls. But it's worth noting that OP has provided no evidence of an attack. It's at least equally likely that they dos'ed themselves by running too many services on a crappy VPS and running out of ram. The place to start is probably basic capacity analysis.
Some recent sources:
I’ve heard that enabling CloudFlare DDoS protection on Lemmy breaks federation due to the amount of ActivityPub traffic.
You could always add them to the allow list so they don't get blocked.