this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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[–] uninvitedguest@lemmy.ca 75 points 5 days ago (8 children)

Having a % increase associated with masturbation (vs undefined/infinite) means that there was a non-0 number of office masturbations prior to remote work.

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 41 points 5 days ago

Duh

The interesting part really is that it's RECORDED non-zero amount. Someone's been keeping track

[–] sylver_dragon@lemmy.world 29 points 5 days ago

I work in cybersecurity. One of our common issues is people getting malware while surfing for porn. I'm willing to bet that it's not all looking and no touching.

[–] wander1236@sh.itjust.works 19 points 5 days ago

I don't think that's impossible

[–] synapse1278@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Of course there is a non-zero amount of in-office wanking. But how many get measured?

Story time !

I has living in flat share with 2 friends while studying master. We all had a 4 month internship in different companies during the summer break (mandatory). The week back to university after the internships we also also provided temporary shelter to a younger student while she was looking for a new flat. For context, this young lady was raised in a very strict Christian family. As we were all friends in this flat, we use to cook and eat most meals together. One evening the topic came up, about how boring the internships were. One friend confessed he was so bored he went to the toilet to masturbate on the job, using his phone for porn. I was like "no way you did !" and the second friend said, "yeah me too, I also had a wank on the job". Out of 3 guys, 2 had a wank on the job in the course of 4 month. Our lady friend was more like "You guys MASTURBATE!?!".

[–] Lightsong@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

You're missing out brah.

[–] GreenAppleTree@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago

Going from 1 a month in the office to 120 at home is a 12,000% increase.

Sounds reasonable for a decent sized workforce. Or that one person doing it 5 times a day every day. Which is probably easier for one half of the population than the other half.

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Metrics are also measured. The statistics referenced have to come from recording activity.

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

If you mean the stats in the cartoon, those were probably pulled out of the cartoonist's ass cuz it's a cartoon.

Obviously, but the cartoon has a contextual canon, and in that canon management has established a baseline, and continues to take measurement.

[–] JakenVeina@lemm.ee 2 points 5 days ago

What, you don't remember the Dave incident?