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Should've known from the light novel ass title 
Thank you for the explanations. I watch few series, anime or not but at least knowing that there is a bit more to it than some of the more popular stuff that I hear about is good. Still I have to say the examples you give seem to be basically having all the same faults within category of its genre just shifted a bit more towards having bit of character exploration and a touch of self-awareness. However that's surprisingly optimistic still even if I don't watch those since it means it's not as static as I imagined even within its specific category but there are a lot of these things apparently much more than I thought especially when the novels are involved.
In a lot of ways, yeah. Like I'm in Love with the Villainess is 100% still a wish-fulfillment fantasy about a depressed gay office worker getting to have a healthy, normal life with the video game character she developed a parasocial relationship with and also she has cheat powers and complete meta knowledge of the setting and everything that's going to happen to accomplish that goal with, but it's also self-aware and includes cogent commentary on real-life LGBT issues.
Honestly, I think the biggest trend I've noticed is that an isekai with a female protagonist (whether they're the isekaid hero or someone else) tends to be meaningfully better even when it's still horny trash or just fluffy slop, while isekai centered on male protagonists tends more towards the "incel loser gets a harem by redeeming special good boy points in another world, continues being awful" pattern. Though I will say that for all the scorn that SAO (deservedly) gets (seriously, it's a bad series from a mid author who just can't help but write bad and gross things even when he's earnestly trying to be better about it), it does get some credit for making Kirito end up a well-adjusted, sociable guy with a diverse friend group who just kind of ignores the harem shit because he's too earnest a wife guy to ever think about anyone other than Asuna.
I have noticed also from what you have said and from what was written both here and elsewhere female protagonist, LGBT themes or both seem more commonly move past some of the worst impulses of anime, at least ones that aren't outright fanservice or queer-baiting. Not to say that there isn't any of this in any other LGBT-oriented media, but perhaps maybe it is has more of a baseline of self-examination and introspection. Sword Art Online just seems to be both ur-isekai for the category I have in mind and and also the ultimate slop of its own genre somehow, which is interesting.