this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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Autism

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So I texted my mom last night that I think it's likely that I have autism. Then she texted back that she has always suspected that I have autism since I was little kid and that she loves me. I felt very validated and happy that it went better than expected although somewhat upset that she never did anything to help me.

However this morning I woke up to a text from her insisting that I don't actually have autism and I'm just lazy and over sensitive and that I need to get over myself and I have spent a lot of time crying in bed today.

[TW: Transphobia]

She's done this before which is why I was so nervous to tell her. When I came out to her as a trans woman she initially said nice things to me, but then the next day she started ranting about "why couldn't you just be a gay man" or "no one will ever love you if you're trans." It took her several years to come around and actually accept me.

All I really wanted from her was understanding, but she just gave me a lot of self-doubt and sadness instead.

Edit: Thank you all for your support, I really appreciate it โค๏ธ๐Ÿซ‚

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[โ€“] haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Your mom shows strong symptoms of internalized abuse. This can indicate a range of possible mental issues. You being on the spectrum can indicate that she is too, which she might need to avoid to foster her "normal" self image. In any case, what she is doing is unbefitting of a parent and if you have any grown up you trust, tell them and consider having them talk sense into her. There are alternatives but they might have severe consequences depending on the country you live in. Its not fair but keeping you safe is important right now since some countries are delving into fascism. Autistic and trans people are in grave danger in these countries. Please accept that you are valid, albeit it being important to keep things under wraps in some cases.

[โ€“] RainaIsRaining@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

She probably does have a lot of trauma. My grandpa was drafted into the Vietnam war when my grandma was pregnant with her. When my grandpa came back he had PTSD and was doing a lot of drugs, so he was pretty absent, but he still had 3 other children with my grandma afterwards. Since my grandpa was absent and spending a lot of money on drugs, my grandma had to spend most of her time working, so my mom from a young age was made to raise her younger siblings. I have heard her complain many times that she never really got to have a childhood and I think that is why she can be neglectful to my sister and I since her mom couldn't be there for her.

My family has hated the US government for generations. I'm just finishing up college rn and then I'm going to work on saving up so I can get out, although I haven't decided where yet. I'm definitely going to try my best keep that I have autism hidden from the government, although I've already changed my legal name and sex, so they do know that I'm trans.

That sounds like a situation that is unfortunate but you sound like you are managing it pretty well. I hope you'll do okay. Good luck.