this post was submitted on 14 May 2025
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My 15-year-old self probably wouldn't recognize me, but would be okay with me being a woman. I would have transitioned earlier had I known it was possible, and I always had a "be true to who you are" mentality from the start.
I got my dream job and met my soulmate later than I hoped, so I hope past me isn't a perfectionist. The wait was worth it. I'm not living in my dream city, but where I ended up is very similar.
Past me would be sad that I'm not in a band, and I hope she would understand that chronic acid reflux killed my dream of continuing as a concert saxophonist. I've started over and am learning piano instead. I'll get there if she'll be patient. The tradeoff is that I realized I can kind of sing, which would make her really happy...except I'm a baritone and not an alto. But that's okay. It's a step up.
I think she'd be most glad that I faced my demons. I'm not sad all the time anymore. The social anxiety never totally went away, but I can carry a conversation with new people, and I can easily pick up a phone without having a panic attack. I got out of that awful relationship, learned to stand up for myself, and realized a relationship isn't a requirement for happiness.