this post was submitted on 31 May 2025
255 points (92.4% liked)
science
18833 readers
88 users here now
A community to post scientific articles, news, and civil discussion.
rule #1: be kind
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I honestly don't think third spaces on their own are the answer. After all, suppose a city makes a nice park across the street from an incel's apartment. Maybe they'll leave their house and go there... but do you really think this socially awkward weirdo is gonna start striking up conversations with other people there? Do you think they are going to engage with others who say hello to them, if others interact with them at all? Yes, a lack of third spaces is a problem, but I don't think it is the lynchpin. We are also less likely to visit third places when they do exist these days due to digital distractions. People seem to be more insular, less likely to introduce themselves to strangers and less likely to be open to strangers introducing themselves. And significant social anxiety and lack of social skills is seldom overcome simply by having a neutral environment.
What we really need is grassroots social movements dedicated to being friendly to strangers, reducing digital distractions, reaching out to men who feel left behind, and informing parents about the importance of proactively ensuring that their children have healthy social and emotional lives.
And I would agree. Men in a group setting of only men will typically behave entirely differently than if you drop even a single woman into their midst. A man who is only among men will open up and behave and accept constructive criticism in ways that he will never do with even a single woman present. The change in behaviour a man exhibits in the presence of a woman is instinctual and unconscious, and is unable to be controlled or even moderated by the vast majority of men out there.
Having male-only spaces is absolutely essential to allowing men to behave as they would without the unconscious/instinctual pressure they would be subject to with a woman present.
Too bad these kinds of places are “misogynistic” in ways that women-only spaces are “not misandric”. The gender bigotry and hypocrisy in this dichotomy is blindingly overwhelming.
I'm not saying you are categorically wrong about the benefits of male-only spaces. But I will say that the attitude and language with which you are approaching the issue is not doing you any favors.
Just to reinforce: male-only spaces are patriarchy, and there is no end to it or equality unless we end a specific sex-only space.
If some friends hanging out together just wanna have a boys night because that's what they want to do - because they like that energy for whatever reason... if that's patriarchy... Then I'm okay with patriarchy.
Like women-only gyms? DV shelters only for women? Shelters for homeless parents that service only mothers with children?
If that is what is needed to reach true equality, then I’m all for it.
However, I think tearing down useful gender-specific spaces is far more damaging than simply providing such spaces equally to both genders.