I too was constantly accused of cheating throughout my first marriage. Not for any reason other than her suspicions... it was exhausting! She also took offense to the fact that I'm not the jealous type. Some dude would hit on her and she'd be upset it didn't make me mad. I'd respond "Are you interested?" "Well no!" "Then why should I be worried or upset. I trust you." It took me far too long to realize she suspected me because she knew she'd cheat on me if the situation were reversed and she figured everyone was like her.

During our divorce our court-ordered psychiatrist said he believed she suffered from some psychosis but would need more time to properly diagnose it. Since then I've come to realize her behavior is well-described as a vulnerable narcissist, and combined with her alcoholism and paranoia she destroyed just about every relationship she had before she died. It was a very sad and lonely end... I wish she'd have gotten help.

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 2 points 16 hours ago

BPD and NPD (narcissism) are related.

I was sure my ex was a narcissist and I wasn’t surprised at all by her diagnosis, except I expected NPD.

Funny thing, my ex never drank, but after I caught her cheating I also had to drag her out of dangerous places so intoxicated she couldn’t stand and was vomiting on herself regularly.

It’s like once that door opened, the floodgates opened with it.

I’ve always been a drinker, but I have two beers a night (10% alcohol, so almost 4 typical beers). In all the years we were together she drank only one time until those floodgates opened.

I am going to a Modest Mouse concert with my wife tomorrow, just kissed her good night and went outside the hotel for a smoke. I can’t believe I have her at all.

I hope you have amazing luck for the rest of your life. I really do.