this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2023
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are you saying its transactional then? like a social contract of "it's my birthday, so I'm paying for my guests food and drink." You, my guest, have accepted that contract by bringing a gift?
This flies in the face of birthdays I'm used to. There's no expectation that If I invite someone to my birthday that a) they need to give me a gift (I would never expect that) or b) I'm paying for their food and drink. I guess because that social contract isn't in place, the idea that someone can come over and say happy birthday isn't a big deal. It's just a gathering that happens to be on my birthday.
It's not really transactional. It's just a situation where you got left out of the birthday and happened to go out to the same place where the birthday is being celebrated. However, it's interesting to note that there is no such thing as a surprise birthday party. The birthday boy or girl is the one that throws the party because of the reciprocity aspect. You wouldn't be caught dead attending a birthday without a present for the person whose birthday it is. You also wouldn't be caught dead letting people bring you birthday presents AND buying you dinner. It's more like "tit for tat" than "transactional."