Asklemmy

Facts. My mom is Spanish ASF and to this day regularly misgenders people all the time (call me and my brother she, call sisters he), just hasn't come easy to her. As long as somebody isn't INTENTIONALLY calling u the wrong pronouns for the express purpose of pissing you off u just correct them and move on. If u get that hung up on a simple innocent mistake u need to step back and adjust your shitty attitude.

I think the key is for it to be a provisional guess and not a will-be-shocked-if-it's-wrong assumption. You need to be prepared to have been wrong.

I agree with what you're saying but there's a gentler way to say this. No need to say they can get fucked.

Yeah, I think that's pretty much all that is generally needed. I've had people assume but ask me first, just asking "she/her?" as a question, I respond yes, we go about our business. If you don't want to assume, you can also pretty much universally use they/them in passing, or if it's someone you interact with more frequently, people really don't tend to mind if you ask.

I mean I'm trans, I get around quite a bit in queer spaces, I haven't met anyone who would get super mad about initially assuming pronouns rather than just saying "hey I prefer XYZ" and moving on. Generally when people react strongly to being misgendered, it's due to ongoing conflict over their identities, having to deal with people who use pronouns to casually disregard your Identity, familial abandonment, etc. It is often a response to complex trauma from elsewhere. That's not really your responsibility, but I've been there and if you can offer them any grace in those moments, it's extremely helpful.