this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2023
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„Read the room“ triggers me to no end (discuss.tchncs.de)
submitted 1 year ago by Haui@discuss.tchncs.de to c/autism@lemmy.world
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Recently I read through the comments on a post and someone suggested OP should „just read the room“.

I have been told this since I was young and it triggers me every time.

Being unaware of social dynamics in a situation is a thing a lot of autistic people I know struggle with. „Reading the room“ in my understanding means „becoming aware of the unspoken things in a situation“.

Collins dictionary says: If you say that someone reads the room, you mean that they understand their audience and adapt what they say to suit it.

I think, although not on purpose, saying this is massively ableist and making fun of someone for „not reading the room“ is harassment imo.

Feel free to give an opposing opinion as well. I would like to hear them.

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[–] jet@hackertalks.com 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Completely agree with you. It took me the longest time to organize social norms, and read faces - as someone with face blindness.

When I hear read the room, in a charitable consideration, it usually means the focus of conversation is on x, having side conversations on y distracting from the main focus.

When I hear Read the room, and a negative, or insulting consideration, it usually means we don't like what you're saying, we don't want to have it open debate with you, we prefer just to ignore whatever it is you're talking about.

I recommend the book political savvy, it helps create these mental maps for people's incentives. And if you apply that to conversations, then it becomes easier to navigate. Ensure any topic in a conversation, addresses the incentives of all the participants.

[–] Haui@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 year ago

Interesting! Thanks for elaborating and the book suggestion. Will check it out!