this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2023
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I'm not speaking from any position of authority here, but I think it has more to do with being in the right culture, not the right skin color like some people imply.
There are urban white kids who grew up in the projects who use the same language as their black peers, and I think generally no one cares. However, when someone outside that culture uses that language, it's not something they use for normal speech and there's probably some other motivation behind it. It's just like in a lot of people's speech they say "bro" but it doesn't mean brother. To people outside the culture it means black person, but they use it like others use "bro". It doesn't really mean anything.
Reiterating, I have very little experience with this. It's just my observations. I've known black people who it'd be weird for them to use this language and seen white people who it's just a normal part of their speech.
You'd likely know where they grew up by the manner of their speaking. The white kids from the projects are going to sound "urban" and the black affluent people are going to sound stereotypically "white". I wouldn't be offended (I'm white) but I would be surprised if the black people I know who do not use that language started using the n-word suddenly. It's not a part of their normal language, so what caused them to suddenly start using it? Probably nothing good I would assume.
It also depends on the time and place. Those white kids from the projects would probably need to code switch when going to a job interview or something, for example, just like their black peers do. That language is context-dependents on whether it's acceptable. It's more than just being black.
That makes a bit more sense if that's a culture thing, but how do you define someone who belong in that culture? Is a black person born from a very wealthy European family still allowed to say it, even though he might have nothing to do with the culture? It just seems weird to me how you clearly define this, I mean even clearly defining what a black person is, is pretty much impossible.
The point is it isn't clearly defined. It's situational. Not all black people will or should say it, and some white people feel comfortable saying it and use it in situations where it doesn't offend anyone. There is no "correct" race, skin tone, culture, etc where it's always OK. There's just situations where it's OK for some people. I'm sure if you know it's OK then you know it's OK, and that's the only time it's OK. If you're wondering if it's appropriate, it probably isn't.
Maybe some well off black people wouldn't use the word, but it certainly would not be acceptable for any white person to use it in any context. Even if they grew up in "the hood" it would, at the very least, be frowned upon for them to say it. In many places it would earn them an immediate beat down.