this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2023
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The bended knee schitck should go away. Marriage should be approached the same way companies approach mergers: via sober meetings and lawyers. Both sides should understand that marriage is more than romance and sex, but an economic and social union too. As with any mergers, a lot of money will be involved, so there is no space for surprises.
At least for my wife and I, the practical conversations all came before, by the time I proposed, we were already both in agreement about how we would handle finances, kids, etc. The actually proposal absolutely should be romantic, because it's not "I have suddenly decided we will marry, we'll figure it out from here" it's "I'm now ready to take the big step in going from planning to spend our lives together, to actually committing to do it"
There's plenty of room for both romance and practicality, and having a romantic proposal certainly doesn't exclude having practical sober conversations before hand
Agreed. We did the same. We talked about that we wanted kids. We talked about finances. I told her if I ever had kids I wanted to be married. It makes custody and a lot of things simpler, finances easier and once you got kids you are bound together anyways. She agreed and said if and when we make it to that she would love got me to propose and all that.
Then when we decided we were ready for kids after moving to a bigger apartment a few years later and all I proposed to her during a vacation. She didn't expect it but it basically was all as we talked about. I got 2 silver rings with our favourite gems in it and a sentence engraved that meant something to us on the inside and some other small fancy details. Luckily her favourite gem was amethysts as those are cheap. I even snuck out one of her favourite earrings to get a color match to that one. It was like 500 total in a custom ring shop where the local bikers gets their membership rings made. I was told and shown by the bikers once that the ring making lady was the best in town. They were right.
My wife liked the engagement rings so much she wanted to keep them as wedding rings. So I guess I did well enough.
Bending the knee absolutely should stick around, there are many people (my wife included) who WANT that sort of gesture
You should 100% have an idea of what they'll say before you do it though. I knew my wife was going to say yes, it was merely picking the correct time and place (which I did, and as far as I know, am the only one to do so)
Anyone who springs it on their partner without at least some attempts at subtly discussing marriage is an idiot who deserves if it blows up in their face
After doing all that, I'm pretty sure my wife just put it on the calendar, and I showed up like I always do. Who says romance is dead?