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this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2023
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Sounds like you are doing a lot. I have found the phrase "the personal is political" became a very real thing for me years ago even when I just started cutting out certain meats (!) - when it came to the reactions of others as they found out, and also realizing in a very visceral way, that, with every single meal, there was a very concrete ethical, ecological, economical and health decision to be made.
I quickly found out that you have to "come out" at work (when food is being ordered out, restaurants are being decided on, etc) and for extended family, etc., even though you really don't want to necessarily answer all the questions, parry all the nonsense in that particular moment. Most people are fine, maybe a small subset groan and roll their eyes, but keep their opinions to themselves, but there is that small percentage that seem to keep harping on it.
I have seen similar reactions to early adopters of hybrid vehicles. Save for EVs later. Or, as a kid, when someone with a legit extreme dairy allergy refused all dairy. It's like there is a certain type of personality that really gets actually offended when someone decides to deviate from whatever system is handed to them as "the norm", whether it's ridiculously high meat and dairy consumption (no matter how harmful it is to themselves, even), or a standard internal combustion engine. Some people seem to really get worked up about it.
Anyway, I do what I can. I have not removed all dairy entirely, nor eggs. I view both as rather harmful to health, given the information we have (and the evidence seems to keep piling up on that), so I don't make them a central component in any meal. I never drank milk anyway even as an omnivore - it's been fairly clear that they are marketing that stuff as a "health drink" (lol) for a reason. Sometimes it's very difficult to assess whether a given food is vegan or even at least vegetarian, but labeling/awareness has grown with time, so that has gotten a bit easier.
I find that so weird and illogical, because what does anyone else's personal and internal choices have to do with me? The only reason I could care would be if I invited you to dinner I was cooking myself and you waited until serving time to mention you don't or can't eat something, and that's because I'd feel bad not being able to feed you. You are a grown ass man (place hyphen(s) wherever tickles your fancy), and get to make your own decisions and life choices. Plus there's more for me.
Maybe it's from growing up in the 90s and 00s, but asking about food allergies, sensitivities, and restrictions should be just another Tuesday for anyone ordering food for a group. But I'd also never expect the group to cater an entire meal around my preferences or restrictions. Grown ass man is successful hunter gatherer.
Now all bets might end up off the table if that respect doesn't extend both ways though, because again, every grown ass man (everyone regardless of gender and older than 18-21 gets to be a "grown ass man", with bonus "grown ass man" points if over 80 and a grandmother (Betty White being the ultimate grown ass man and I'll die on that hill)) gets to make their own decisions and life choices. Now this doesn't apply if you got local recommendations for ethically raised and delicious food that you're just passing along because better ingredients make better food. _itarian choices are like religion: follow what you believe, don't mock and detract others, there is a time and place for mutual debate based on mutual interest, and if you act like a Jehovah's Witness that showed up at the door then expect to get treated like one.