It was sometime in early 2022 that I found myself reading a few romance novels. I remember being mildly annoyed about how most of the books had instant chemistry/attraction as part of the plot. Then I suddenly found myself wondering, how do I feel if and when I feel attraction? I think I have probably never felt instant attraction. When I look at a good looking man/woman I just feel an appreciation for their beauty, like how I would feel looking at a beautiful painting or photograph. At most all I feel is a wish is to look at them a few times more than is appropriate. I don’t remember how it feels like to feel attraction towards someone I have feelings for. The last time I felt strong feelings for someone was many years ago and I can’t recall my feelings now. I am very curious to know how other people feel when they experience attraction towards someone. How does it feel physically, and what thoughts and/or feelings do you experience? Also, do you consider chemistry and attraction to be the same or different? How?
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this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2023
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To me, romance feels like friendship without boundaries. It's not something I feel quickly or when I first see someone. It's something that has to develop over time, because it's based on friendship.
Physical attraction, it's desire... It's usually in the moment, and can and does occur with people I don't know. It's noticing their features... feeling my eyes drawn to them
What's interesting though is that I can experience romantic attraction to anyone (but it seems I'm more likely to experience it with women), but my physical attraction tends to be towards men and masc folk.
For me I have found that a good friendship is having a deep intellectual and emotional connection with someone. However there is no attraction involved, no jealousy, nothing. The one time I had feelings for someone (which I realised after 2.5 years working with them) I found that I just liked everything about them: their smile, voice, how they talked, etc. This was the first time I even felt a little jealousy. And I also yearned for a deeper emotional and intellectual connection. This person wasn't even a close friend. So friendship and love has some overlap for me, but are different.
It's descriptions like that that make me wonder if I'm aromantic in some fashion, because I don't have anything like that.
For me that experience made me realise that I can get romantic feelings but very rarely (it's happened only once).