this post was submitted on 20 Dec 2023
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I went from heroin to methadone, and methadone to nothing. It fucking SUCKS. I hate being around people. I used to be quite the social butterfly. I have hacked away at the people I let into my life down to one friend. I hate people so much that it’s hard to put up with my partner and kids. Loud noises make me irrationally angry. I don’t leave the house unless I HAVE to. Since I got sober I have dreams where I talk to my friends that died from overdoses.
I had a dream where a woman I knew that died of an overdose came to visit me. She sat on the sofa next to me and put her head on my shoulder. When I woke up I could still feel her hair on my face.
I hate being sober. I wish that weed didn’t make me anxious. I wish alcohol didn’t make me feel like shit. I didn’t like uppers before I got sober. Opiates aren’t even an option.
But you know what? As much as being sober fucking sucks, and it does suck make no mistake about it. I won’t die a slave. I am free. I am finally free, and I’m not giving my freedom away again for anyone or anything. I’ve been heroin free for about 5 years. I’m almost 2 years completely sober.
Good on you. I'm just small league clean of cigarettes for a year now. It's good to be not dependent.
Keep it up!
Hey, quitting cigarettes is no small feat. There are enough things holding us back in life without adding to it. Quitting cigarettes is one choice I guarantee you won’t regret.
Also, don’t sell yourself short. You say “little league clean”, but the process is the same. Be proud of your wins. There will be enough problems in life. Take those wins where you can.
I'm very proud, and part of the belittlement in my comment is not that I'm not proud of it, but I think I may have used it that way to show my respect for your archievement.
So that's what I'm actually saying, I'm a bit more proud of you kicking your bad habits than my own, so well done on that.
I hope the bleak aspect on life and other people may change a bit to the positive this year. In fact, that is my Christmas wish for you (even though I detest Christmas in all it's commercial shallowness)
Oh I knew all that. I just wanted to let you know that I also respect your struggle, and that all struggles are worth it in the end.
Thank you for the kind words though. As a grown man praise doesn’t come very often.