this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2023
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Just commented a couple of times on my kilts being a visible turn off to the women I've dated. I'm a small man, not afraid of girl clothes, but that wasn't hitting with 'em.
Before you go banging on people for "lesser mindsets" and such, consider this; Attraction is not a choice.
Let me day that again for those in the back; Attraction is not a choice.
I think we might be agreeing, but let's not put people down for their attractions.
We definitely shouldn’t be putting down people for their attractions, but I think there is value in highlighting that a person’s concept of attractiveness can be socially constructed and therefore can also be deconstructed.
I think instead of labelling people with narrow or socio-centric concepts of attraction as “lesser” or stupid or uninformed isn’t fair, but I also think it’s fair to say that they likely haven’t gone through the process of deconstructing why they feel the way they do.
Except for the interesting intellectual exercise, why deconstruct it? Again, attraction is not a choice. If a man in a kilt turns a woman off? So be it. It's not like emotions can be fought with logic.
All worth discussing and thinking about, but in the end deconstruction of attraction won't win anyone over.
Because it’s valuable to deconstruct any concept that is held without a clear reason. It’s far more important to know why you believe or feel what you do than just knowing what you feel or believe.
I’m not expecting to convince people of my position, nor to have others change their positions based upon said deconstruction, but it’s worth raising nonetheless.
If attraction can be socially programmed (as it so very obviously is), then it can similarly be deconstructed. The first step to achieving that is questioning the motivation for attraction beyond “that’s hot”.
It constantly astounds me that people somehow do not understand the concept of introspection.
The "why" is more important than the "what". Always. Killing a man is cold blooded murder in one context, and saving your entire family in another. Thoughts are the same. If you don't know why you are correct, you are far less likely to be correct on a less obvious question.
I swear, these are the people that hear a Trolley Problem and only start asking questions to see if they can get you to agree with killing more than the other track...
Attraction is not a choice, but if your reaction to cognitive dissonance is to get angry at someone wearing clothing, that is a YOU problem.
Yes, lots of people have problems with this. That does not make it acceptable. Again, attraction is not a choice, but you do not have to hump their leg.
I hear those excuses all the time from rapists. "I was attracted!", "look what she was wearing!" Know what you defend when you say people cannot control their attraction: That's EXACTLY what a lot of rapists say.
People SHOULD be able to control their attraction, at least enough to be a civil person. Being a rude piece of shit over clothing is very much ALSO not being a civil person. Things don't have to get violent for them to still be wrong.