I imagine the USDA as a tired underpaid fast-food employee that has to deal with moronic entitled customers.

- "I want an organic strawberry!"
- "I already explained to you that strawberries cannot be grown without non-organic pesticide."
- "Are you telling me no?!"
- "I'm telling you that what you want is agriculturally impossible."
- "Do you have any idea who I am!?"
- "Ugh.... you know what? Okay."
* Takes a perfectly regular "non-organically" grown strawberry.
* Slaps an "organic" label on it.
- "Here you go. One organic strawberry. Thank you for shopping with USDA!"
- "Was that so hard?"