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How do you accept the things you cannot change? (feddit.de)

submitted 10 months ago by lompedtfre@feddit.de to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

34 comments fedilink hide all child comments

trying to stop being so thin skinned:

I had an online discussion with a random, we had a short but intense exchange until he replied and then blocked me, robbing me of a chance to reply.

I feel hurt because I couldn't reply. To me that means he won. I feel insulted and angry.

Yes, this is something I should talk to about with a shrink, but the therapist I contacted hasn't replied yet, so I might have to start looking for a new one if this one ain't reliable.

In the meantime I turn to the second best thing I can think of: this channel.

I can try to rationalize it: I cannot change it, I'm letting that guy live free in my mind, letting it go is the rational thing to do.

Except that here I'm not being rational, but emotional and I don't know why this triggers me so much.

Not having the last word triggers me. How would you solve this?

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[–] ninjan@lemmy.mildgrim.com 5 points 10 months ago

You're at this from the complete opposite of the right angle.

Your reaction is emotional and thus you need to face the emotion and dig at its cause. Emotions aren't bound by rationality but they're the core of the human experience, to try and suffocate away emotion you don't find rational is a sure way to never find happiness.

You felt hurt, why? Why was this argument important to you? Did you feel anything more than hurt? Can you guess at why you felt like you felt?

Feelings are never right or wrong, they just are and will be no matter what you think of them. So you need to accept and acknowledge their existence and learn to understand them, to coexist with them, because they are you. Even more so than your skill in reasoning, your rationality.