The people you're referring to aren't feminists. Someone earlier in the thread mentioned that no one who's never encountered a piece of feminist theory isn't one. I mean, how could they be?

It's like calling yourself a Christian without reading the Bible, or a star wars fan who's only ever seen start Trek, or whatever.

I understand how you can associate the kind of shrieking misandry you often come across as feminism, since the kindd of people (usually women) who are all about this are very angry and very vocal.

Actual feminists - the ones seeking to gain a more cogent understanding of the dynamics of gender and out of that create a more suitable world, don't sound like they. That wave crashed and broke on the shore. Sure there are people who call themselves feminists who want nothing more than to replace patriarchy with matriarchy but they're rarely the ones doing any actual work towards creating better gender relations.

I'll give you a tipe that will help you spot the difference pretty quickly: do they ever mention men, at all, in a way that isn't dismissive or angry?

If they don't, then chances are they've never read anything about feminism that they didn't see online. I think most of the ones that have read a book before would agree with you that it's important that men have a voice, and many of them are sounding the same alarms you're sounding.

When feminism talks about patriarchy they're not talking about emasculating men - just that it's high time tried looking at alternatives to power structures that only benefit a very small percentage of people at the expense of everyone else.

Patriarchy is men fighting tooth and nail when we don't have to. It's being told by society to shut up and get on with it. That your humanity makes you weak.

I'm sure if you could approach the theory with an open mind you'd be shocked at how much of it you agree with. Fucked if I know how you would make it past the refuse pile of shrieking blue haired misandrists though.

So you think the feminist you replied to doesn't care about men's issues?

As a man, any ideology which stands against toxic masculinity or putting men in cognitive boxes helps men. Tearing down traditional gender roles absolutely fits that description imo.

I have never felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. In fact, the ethics of the question could not be more obvious to me. Feminism calls on me(n) to be authentic and to deny precisely the kind of existential bad faith which puts men into boxes. If you want to be in a box, that's on you. If you want to project that onto others, that's toxic.