This hit me like a week ago. I straight up panicked. I still kinda am. I don't know what to do. I'm fucking terrified. How do you learn how to be a girl in your forties? I don't even know how to do makeup, every time I tried it looked like shit.
I thought I was a femboy. A kinky weird femboy with a supportive girlfriend that didn't mind the occasional dressing up. This is probably way too much for her. I think it's too much for me. But now that I know this I can't not know it. It's like my subconscious just came out of nowhere and was like, "Hey you know that quirky thing about you? Well it turns out that's entirely you, and you're miserable trying to deny it. By the way everything in your experience tells you that people will hate you for it, and the state is actively trying to harm people like you. Also crazy people will probably want to kill you about it Byeeeeeeee!"
What do?
Edit: Thanks everyone for all the helpful comments. All this is still big and scary right now, but I feel a little better about where I am now, and the first few steps. This is a good community here.
I'm cis, so I'm not gonna try to give you advice about your feelings because that's not my place. I can maybe help with the makeup though - check out Lisa Eldridge on youtube. She has some great tutorials for simple looks that are a good place to start. Alexandra Anele is another one who does tutorials focused on the way certain techniques change the way your features look and she's a great resource for learning to blend. Drag queens are obviously the masters of things like color correcting a 5 o'clock shadow and feminizing features, but their other makeup is generally super advanced shit I wouldn't even try to imitate.