I'm trans, came out just a couple of months ago. I don't post about this on Lemmy very often (if at all), but it's been a struggle. My dysphoria - in a nutshell, the incongruency between what I see in the mirror and what I want to look like as a woman - has had a profound effect on me. I'm pushing fifty, and I can honestly say transitioning is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.
I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day, but on the bad ones I feel as though I look like Quark in the DS9 episode "Profit and Lace." I'll tell myself all kinds of awful, self-hating transphobic things like "you're just a man in a dress" or "ugh what is that thing" or "freak" or "you'll never be a real woman." What a repulsive thing to say to yourself, how terribly unkind. I have specific issues with my facial hair, which are being addressed, but things like that take time. It's like I'm fighting a battle against my own body, something I think most people can't easily relate to. It's hard to be patient while living in this (emotionally) painful in-between state, not knowing if I'll ever be happy with myself. If it weren't for my incredibly supportive wife, I'm not sure where I'd be right now.
Yeah, today is a good day. For now, at least. I feel safe and comfortable posting this here, you guys have always been a supportive and accepting community and I'd like to say thank you for that. Maybe I should start posting in the blahaj instance rather than bombarding you guys with this. Anyway, I'm gonna sign off for a while, I got my hands full at work today and gotta focus. Thanks for letting me vent.
Congratulations on coming out! I hope it makes you a happier person! I have a friend who I knew as a boy in high school who transitioned in between losing contact with her and getting back in touch and she is so much happier and self-confident now that she is who she was meant to be. She's married, has a couple of kids, a good job, etc.
So I hope you find out the same thing even though there are still bad days (I'm sure she has them too). Being comfortable in your own skin is something I hope for everyone. And Star Trek is nothing if not accepting of people. IDIC.
Hey Flying Squid! Overall, all things considered, I am happier; I feel more comfortable, even a little more confident, and way less angry than before. I mean, I was really angry all the time, and I didn't know why.
So happy to hear your friend is doing well and is happy. It really sounds like she's living her best life.
Thank you for your kind words, btw IDIC is something that resonates with me as well. 🖖
I'm glad to hear it! And I hope you keep getting happier and more comfortable with who you are!