I'm trans, came out just a couple of months ago. I don't post about this on Lemmy very often (if at all), but it's been a struggle. My dysphoria - in a nutshell, the incongruency between what I see in the mirror and what I want to look like as a woman - has had a profound effect on me. I'm pushing fifty, and I can honestly say transitioning is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.
I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day, but on the bad ones I feel as though I look like Quark in the DS9 episode "Profit and Lace." I'll tell myself all kinds of awful, self-hating transphobic things like "you're just a man in a dress" or "ugh what is that thing" or "freak" or "you'll never be a real woman." What a repulsive thing to say to yourself, how terribly unkind. I have specific issues with my facial hair, which are being addressed, but things like that take time. It's like I'm fighting a battle against my own body, something I think most people can't easily relate to. It's hard to be patient while living in this (emotionally) painful in-between state, not knowing if I'll ever be happy with myself. If it weren't for my incredibly supportive wife, I'm not sure where I'd be right now.
Yeah, today is a good day. For now, at least. I feel safe and comfortable posting this here, you guys have always been a supportive and accepting community and I'd like to say thank you for that. Maybe I should start posting in the blahaj instance rather than bombarding you guys with this. Anyway, I'm gonna sign off for a while, I got my hands full at work today and gotta focus. Thanks for letting me vent.
I have these days too. As hard as it can be, the opposite good feeling will always be there to make the better days. Too early (in my case) to say for certain, but I like to imagine those days get even better and more frequent the farther in.
Hairs my weakness too; I’m sure addressing it will help a lot. Best of luck Queen! :)
Unrelated, Rom would have pulled it off perfectly in that episode
Thank you, oillut! Hug I do hear the good days get more frequent as time goes on. It's something we gotta be mindful of as we tough it out. Just gotta keep pushing forward not matter what.
Oh and I agree about Rom!