I'm trans, came out just a couple of months ago. I don't post about this on Lemmy very often (if at all), but it's been a struggle. My dysphoria - in a nutshell, the incongruency between what I see in the mirror and what I want to look like as a woman - has had a profound effect on me. I'm pushing fifty, and I can honestly say transitioning is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.
I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day, but on the bad ones I feel as though I look like Quark in the DS9 episode "Profit and Lace." I'll tell myself all kinds of awful, self-hating transphobic things like "you're just a man in a dress" or "ugh what is that thing" or "freak" or "you'll never be a real woman." What a repulsive thing to say to yourself, how terribly unkind. I have specific issues with my facial hair, which are being addressed, but things like that take time. It's like I'm fighting a battle against my own body, something I think most people can't easily relate to. It's hard to be patient while living in this (emotionally) painful in-between state, not knowing if I'll ever be happy with myself. If it weren't for my incredibly supportive wife, I'm not sure where I'd be right now.
Yeah, today is a good day. For now, at least. I feel safe and comfortable posting this here, you guys have always been a supportive and accepting community and I'd like to say thank you for that. Maybe I should start posting in the blahaj instance rather than bombarding you guys with this. Anyway, I'm gonna sign off for a while, I got my hands full at work today and gotta focus. Thanks for letting me vent.
Uggh I know, I have to keep reminding myself that there is a lot going on, especially my poor brain's hormonal struggles. Arrgh this is awful, kinda hilarious, but awful.
HAhah wait, side note...I have been getting the munchies lately like never before. Is this a thing?
Whoops I hit reply by accident a little early. I just wanted to say thank you, I read everything you said and it means so much to me, so thank you, asteriskeverything! hug
omg I'm an emotional mess. And I'm high. It has been a good time reading all these replies, especially yours. I feel so supported. Thank you again ❤️
Maybe?? I never thought about it until now but yeah I guess I've only had women in my life talk about how badly they are cravings something!
I'm glad I was able to bring you some comfort! And like I said if you ever wanna talk to someone my inbox is open. (This goes for anyone reading this who needs someone) I'm not a professional but I'm familiar enough with all this stuff and mental health that you won't have to spend a lot of time answering questions to explaining stuff
I hope you continue to remember you're supported. And I hope you have more good days than bad. Try to laugh at it on the bad days, if you can. hug ❤