Here's a narrated version on YouTube. 16:46
Text transcription in the comments.
this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2023
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Text transcription:
A series of 4chan posts, most replying to the previous. The first replies to an unseen earlier comment, and the last replies to three other unseen comments.
I've played the D6 version, but that character wasn't relevant to the conversation.
The DM made everybody in the party be Force Sensitive. My character idea was that I was a criminal from the Empire who was hiding out by being a janitor/maintenance technician. I did nothing to break cover damn near the entire time.
Here's how the campaign went for my poor janitor:
The entire party meets up through a series of increasingly bizarre circumstances. We're all Force-sensitive, and flying an earlier model of Han Solo's type of cargo runner. (Slower, but with more cargo space.) The setting is the Rebellion. The last partty member to show up on the ship is a Jedi who's been running from the Empire since the Fall of the Republic. He thinks that the force has brought all of us together, and begins training us in the ways of the space samurai. Well, everyone except me. I have too many mundane duties that keep me from training. One of the members of the party, a spoiled rich bitch (being brilliant played by one of the nicest IRL femake gamers I've ever met.) decides that she wants someone to spar against using the newfound magic powers. Her character keeps pushing the Jedi, trying to toy around with the Dark Side without being serious, kiddie type shit. She sees my character going over a cargo manifest and decides that this is a perfect time to "bring him into the fold". She immediately begins attempting to command me to join her in her sparring. I am politely refusing, stating that I have work to do. My character turns to walk away, and she attacks me from behind.
TO BE CONTINUED
CONTINUED
I did not handle it well. My character lashed out, and the DM ruled that because I was angry and just wanted her to GO AWAY, I unknowingly called on the Dark Side. Her body left an imprint on the bulkhead behind her, but she was still alive. The Jedi feels the use of the Dark Side, and runs in to see my character trying to wake up the noble while freaking out.
The Jedi heals her up, and my character is confined to his quarters, The party debates killing me, until the Jedi says that I can be redeemed and gives me a "You're special but don't be the WRONG kind of special" pep talk. They confiscate my blaster, release me, and nothing more is said of the situation. The Noble doesn't even get a slap on the wrist for antagonizing me, and attacking me unawares.
Thus begins my character's swift slide into the Dark Side.
TO BE CONTINUED
CONTINUED
Being attacked by a Force-User had cleared by perspective a bit. The Jedi, it seemed to me, were just as big of bullies and thugs as the Empire, and all their pseudo-philosophical bullshit was a smokescreen to hide the truth from the public. (Some of that was the Dark Side talking.)
As the campaign went on, the party had a habit of leaving me at the ship while they confronted whatever they wanted. If I left the ship, it was in well-guarded ports and I'd be searched for weapons when I returned. The GM, thinking that the party were taking one accident a bit too seriously, began to conspire with me. I'd always get 30 minutes of his time a session where it was just the things I'd do without the party. We'd talk about supply purchases, and paint cans, and going to bars. We'd also pass a lot of noted in between us.
The notes were the important part. I'd details exactly how I was smuggling weapons and materials on the ship, and where I was hiding them onboard. (They never caught me) I began privately shipping highly illegal things between the ports we went to, and using the profit to find out everything I could about the Force, the Jedi, and this thing I'd never heard of before called the Sith. I also discovered a way to suppress my Force-Abilities so the party couldn't sense them.
TO BE CONTINUED
CONTINUED
While the party was growing into capable Jedi, I was learning everything I could about the Force, and different cultures' take on it. (The party just assumed that I had accept my role as support and was going to step out of the way and let the BIG BOYS handle the dangerous stuff. I may have helped them reach this conclusion.)
Well, after about a year in-game, the party comes across a conspiracy being led by a Sith who isn't the Emperor. Our ship is attacked by some of his minions, who are low-strength Dark Force-users. The party triumphs easily in a boarding action.
While the party is fighting, I slip off into the bowels of the other ship. I find the captain's room, and search it for clues. There, I find an almost-completed lightsaber and a heavily damaged Sith Holocron. I swiped the both of them, disabled the other ship's engines, and returned before anyone realized I had left.
TO BE CONTINUED (again)
CONTINUED
So, we're back to the ship. This ship, full of righteous do-gooders who think their shit don't stink. After a year of living with Jedi, and that casual arrogance they display because of their powers, the Holocron was a Godsend. Even in the state it was in, I managed to download a massive amount of information into several networked datapads I had hidden above a light fixture in my room. The holocron itself I launched out of an airlock so no one could find it.
I had the information I needed.
While the rest of the party chased leads, and fought incredible battles, my character was still only let off the ship to buy supplies and move cargo. (Even with the quest going on, I had argued that we needed the cargo to cover the ship's expenses) Except this time, there was no smuggling or information gathering. I would buy the supplies, and then spend the rest of the time putting into application the things I learned from the Holocron. Anatomy lessons? No one will miss that Twi'lek girl. Practicing the Force? Set up a gang war by murdering a leader of one gang and blaming it on the other. (My powers of persuasion had become...considerable.) I finished everything I needed for my lightsaber. Everything I needed to learn about lightsaber combat I learned by secretly recording the Jedi while they trained, going over the tapes, and seeing their weaknesses. (My party thought I didn't know how to use anything larger than a pistol.)
TO BE CONTINUED
CONTINUED
I should mention that no one in the party, even the original Jedi, had any inkling I was other than the mechanic/janitor. They would confront me about it IRL, asking me if I was having fun, or if I wanted to make a new character. I'd say no, that being this guy was actually a great time for me, and it was a change of pace to be a spectator to the legendary events instead of a participant.
Six more months game time go by. The Jedi, who at this point were getting stupidly powerful, had finally discovered where the leader of this conspiracy was hiding out. His goal, it seemed, was to kill the Emperor and claim the title of Sith Lord, as well a dominion over the Galaxy.
Of course, they race to stop him.
We get to the hideout of the BBEG. The party actually takes me with them, giving me a blaster cannon and a short speech about staying away from the main fighting. I accept, and tell them that even though I'm not like them, I'll try my best to make an impact.
TO BE CONTINUED
CONTINUED I exit the ship with a datapad, the blaster cannon, and a small backpack. The party gets a little chuckle on how silly my character looks. (I was a short, slim male human who was beginning to go bald and had a belly I could never get rid of. I looked a bit like a shorter version of Dale from King of the Hill.)
The battle is engaged. The party is fighting mercenaries, battle droids, and Dark Force-Users in an all-out melee. I'm standing in the back, shooting at the bigger things with my cannon.
Damn, that was a short post. I forgot to add the TO BE CONTINUED as well. Just a second...
TO BE CONTINUED
CONTINUED
The party mops up the minions pretty easily. When the fight's over, the building they're looking at collapses.
Standing in front of it is the BBEG, and five of his elite guards. (We had six party members so it matched up)
They party and the BBEG get into what I can only term as a monologue-off. The BBEG would say something inane about evil, and one of the Jedi would counter them with a short speech of his own. It was all very DBZ-esque, and it lasted three hours of real time. When they all finally run out of cringeworthy cliches, the final battle begins.
Lightsabers and force powers are on display like it's the Fourth of July. Lightning is shooting everywhere, and chunks of masonry are floating about at high velocities.
I put down my cannon, and begin tapping into my datapad. This datapad was interesting. I had spent a lot of money upgrading it's hardware, as well as giving it a remote connection to the ship's systems.
TO BE CONTINUED
CONTINUED
The party had spent a lot of time upgrading the ship. It was their baby. Upgraded engines, redundancy systems, and more weapons than you could shake a womp rat at. They also relied on their patient mechanic to install all of these systems.
The remote access capability of the datapad essentially made the ship operate by remote control. I moved out of the way, and had all of the ship's weapons unload into the fight.
The entire party stops what it's doing and looks at me out of game. I poker-face'd the lot of them, and said, "What? You wanted my to help!"
Three of the Jedi die, and all of the elite guards die. The two remaining Jedi, thinking that I've done all of the heavy lifting for them, turn to the BBEG and start to advance on him. He starts blubbering about how they aren't supposed to kill him because they're SUPER SENTAI SPACE JEDI.
That's when the DM looks at them and goes, "When you all get up six feet from the BBEG, you hear the distinctive sound of a lightsaber activating behind you." They turn around and see my character holding a red lightsaber with a sneer on his face.
"God I hate you people"
TO BE CONTINUED