I don't feel exactly the same, and I don't exactly want to detranstion but my own understanding of who I am and what I'm comfortable performing or not always changes.

I am more comfortable with a mostly feminine body than not, and I definitely don't regret SRS, but I also have no intention of voice training, I don't really do makeup or overly feminine clothing. I like maintaining some muscles, sometimes I wish I could go on T for a bit to body build and experience the mental changes now they wouldn't be an inescapable prison but also I strongly don't want some physical changes like hair growth.

Life is weird, gender is strange, people want to put people in boxes so much even non binary labels have aesthetics in the public eye, and expected roles to perform.

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (7 children)

Right? My physical dysphoria was addressed by a very traditionally binary medical transition...

But that feeling of transitioning to escape the confines of gender, only to find out that there's just more gender? I feel that in my bones... Masculinity, femininity, they both feel alien to me, and in transitioning, I feel like I've escaped one gender box only to land in another (admittedly more comfortable) gender box. I don't want a better box. I want no box! And this article vocalised and crystallised a lot of my own half formed thoughts

And the idea of finding comfort in always struggling with the boxes?

"but for me, being trans is all about feeling uncomfortable with any category, and with the action of breaking away again and again and again. It’s the disavowal, not the desire."

This spoke to me in ways that I'd never considered before, but yeah, that's me...

[–] exocrinous@startrek.website 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Even in nonbinary gender, there's expectations and they're horrible. I'm openly dronegender on this account. And people call me a transphobic troll for it, because they say being trans is only two genders, only the respectable genders. It's why I'm really afraid of being doxxed. I don't want to face this kind of stigma and discrimination all the time. I want the option of staying in the closet some of the time. Unfortunately, some people on Lemmy have tried to "expose" me by accusing me of being various other people. Thankfully, they've been wrong every time so far. But I worry one day they're going to get it right, and I'm going to suffer. And I've seen the people who are accused of being me having to erase their entire digital presence to get away from the violence. That sort of thing was really common on Blahaj Zone, and I resent those who allowed it to happen.

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