this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2024
310 points (91.7% liked)

Men's Liberation

1861 readers
2 users here now

This community is first and foremost a feminist community for men and masc people, but it is also a place to talk about men’s issues with a particular focus on intersectionality.


Rules

Everybody is welcome, but this is primarily a space for men and masc people


Non-masculine perspectives are incredibly important in making sure that the lived experiences of others are present in discussions on masculinity, but please remember that this is a space to discuss issues pertaining to men and masc individuals. Be kind, open-minded, and take care that you aren't talking over men expressing their own lived experiences.



Be productive


Be proactive in forming a productive discussion. Constructive criticism of our community is fine, but if you mainly criticize feminism or other people's efforts to solve gender issues, your post/comment will be removed.

Keep the following guidelines in mind when posting:

  • Build upon the OP
  • Discuss concepts rather than semantics
  • No low effort comments
  • No personal attacks


Assume good faith


Do not call other submitters' personal experiences into question.



No bigotry


Slurs, hate speech, and negative stereotyping towards marginalized groups will not be tolerated.



No brigading


Do not participate if you have been linked to this discussion from elsewhere. Similarly, links to elsewhere on the threadiverse must promote constructive discussion of men’s issues.



Recommended Reading

Related Communities

!feminism@beehaw.org
!askmen@lemmy.world
!mensmentalhealth@lemmy.world


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 18 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Mostly the "man" part. Pretty clear in the OP I thought. I was quite simply born as a male, and happened to identify as that gender. A significant enough portion of the population seems to believe that, because a patriarchy exists, all men have benefited from it, and all men want to continue it. The same idea plays through well enough for skin color, and orientation.

I know what I am, I know my thoughts, my feelings and my intentions. It starts to play with your sense of self-worth to be told that these things, things that have never caused you to do anything to harm anyone else, must be bad parts of yourself, because look at what people have done in their name.

It's not the same scale, no. I'm not facing segregation, and don't have to fight for my right to vote. Any of a number of other advantages you want to point out. Yeah, I benefited in some ways from the circumstances of my birth. All of this, common talking points from the sides of the aisle that I want to belong to. The side of the aisle that believes that no person should ever feel marginalized because of something that they had no control over. To hear that, and then feel like these same people are telling you you're part of the problem because of your existence... It's not hard to see how that can really impact one's sense of worth to the world.

[–] kellyaster@lemmy.world 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

telling you you're part of the problem because of your existence... It's not hard to see how that can really impact one's sense of worth to the world.

I don't mean to invalidate what you're feeling, but that's what it's like to be a minority in America. I have dealt with that in some shape or form for as long as I can remember. Sorry, I don't have any answers, but I do empathize with you.

[–] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Right. I explained in both of my previous comments that I understand that. I recognize that it's a similar mechanism of action, and that relatively speaking, I've got it good. It's really disheartening to see so many (the 'left' not you) getting so close to understanding that -everyone- deserves to be treated with respect by the default, and somehow turning it into a zero-sum game where, for it to get better for some, there must be a class that suffers.

[–] spaduf@slrpnk.net 0 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It's not that there must be a class that suffers, it's that there is.

[–] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 5 points 6 months ago

Is it necessary? If so, it's a zero-sum game. Fine. That's just going to encourage an endless cycle of warfare to be the class currently not suffering.

If it's not necessary, if it's NOT a zero-sum game, then why are we treating it like it is?

[–] ReiRose@lemmy.world 7 points 6 months ago

I'm sorry that you've had to experience this. It terrible to have sexism not only impacting one group of people, but both/all. I haven't experienced what you have, it's not possible for me to exactly as I'm female. Could you share one or two specific examples that made you feel that way? It would help me to understand your experience to help paint a picture. You are under no obligation to, nor does my request imply your argument is invalid.

Sometimes discrimination can be more of a gut feeling. Sometimes it is obvious but hidden, and sometimes it is direct. I'm going to list a few examples. None of which left me weeping and defeated, but all of them felt unpleasant. I want to hear your experience particularly so I can avoid doing this to others, but also because your experience is outside of my own.

Some of my examples:

  • as a Flight Attendant, we have to do cabin checks every 10-15 minutes, this includes bathrooms. I've had two people go unconscious in the bathroom, it's not personal when I knock and ask if you're OK. I did so recently, the man came out shortly afterwards stood over me and shouted three inches from my face, "can't I even take a shit?". I responded, calmly (I've been at this too long), "any time someone is longer than ten minutes we have to check on them, I'm so sorry." His response, "I wasn't ten minutes, bitch," and he returns to his seat.
  • I was a regulatory compliance manager having a regular meeting with the director of regulatory compliance who was like a mentor to me. He lived an hours flight away with his wife on weekends and rented an apartment to stay in near the office during the week. He knew I was divorcing at that time. He suggested we had future meetings at his condo, using phrases such as "I know you must be lonely," and "I'm away from my wife too often." I was polite but declined and changed the subject. He canceled our future meetings on the calendar, when I asked, via email, he responded by email to say I no longer needed his mentorship.
  • I was so proud to pass my private pilots final stage check with less than fifty hours, about average for our class but some took upwards of seventy. I shared my accomplishment in the class groupchat to be told, by a male student, "your examiner goes easy on women." I didn't press it because it was a stand alone comment amongst the congratulations, but I felt he implied that somehow my PPL was worth less than his.

It seems so silly to type out these things that hurt me. I almost feel it's an unfair ask to commit yours to 'paper', I just don't know how else to learn what your feeling, except to assume that your situation may be different but your feelings similar to mine.