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How should I change my polite behavior to be more accommodating? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 7 months ago by clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My parents raised me to always say "yes sir" and "no ma'am", and I automatically say it to service workers and just about anyone with whom I'm not close that I interact with. I noticed recently that I had misgendered a cashier when saying something like "no thank you, ma'am" based on their appearing AFAB, but on a future visit to the store they had added their pronouns (they) to their name tag. I would feel bad if their interaction with me was something they will remember when feeling down. This particular person has a fairly androgynous haircut/look and wears a store uniform, so there's no gender clue there.

I am thinking I need to just stop saying "sir" and "ma'am" altogether, but I like the politeness and I don't know how I would replace it in a gender-neutral way. Is there anything better than just dropping it entirely?

For background I'm a millennial and more than happy to use people's correct pronouns if I know them!

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[–] Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world 21 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Appreciate the recognition on your part!

My wife actually called me out on my one worded answers, as the way I say it (my tone of voice), it comes off very unfriendly or cold.

Before --

"Do you want more water?"

Me: "Yep." (Cold silence.)

Now --

"Do you want more water?"

Me: "Yes please! Thank you so much."

I absolutely noticed a difference by just adding more words makes me come off less hostile and more polite.

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 6 points 7 months ago

That's great. I recognize that folks with whom I interact at their work are often treated indifferently at best, and I like to make their day a little better if I can.