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How should I change my polite behavior to be more accommodating? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 7 months ago by clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My parents raised me to always say "yes sir" and "no ma'am", and I automatically say it to service workers and just about anyone with whom I'm not close that I interact with. I noticed recently that I had misgendered a cashier when saying something like "no thank you, ma'am" based on their appearing AFAB, but on a future visit to the store they had added their pronouns (they) to their name tag. I would feel bad if their interaction with me was something they will remember when feeling down. This particular person has a fairly androgynous haircut/look and wears a store uniform, so there's no gender clue there.

I am thinking I need to just stop saying "sir" and "ma'am" altogether, but I like the politeness and I don't know how I would replace it in a gender-neutral way. Is there anything better than just dropping it entirely?

For background I'm a millennial and more than happy to use people's correct pronouns if I know them!

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[–] eezeebee@lemmy.ca 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

To me, please and thank you are kind of the poster children for politeness. Like you can't be polite without them.

Btw are you in the US? I'm in Canada and I don't think I've ever heard anyone say yes sir/no ma'am sincerely.

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 7 points 7 months ago

I am, yes. It's not uncommon in the South, and among military/former/family of.