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How should I change my polite behavior to be more accommodating? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 7 months ago by clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

98 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My parents raised me to always say "yes sir" and "no ma'am", and I automatically say it to service workers and just about anyone with whom I'm not close that I interact with. I noticed recently that I had misgendered a cashier when saying something like "no thank you, ma'am" based on their appearing AFAB, but on a future visit to the store they had added their pronouns (they) to their name tag. I would feel bad if their interaction with me was something they will remember when feeling down. This particular person has a fairly androgynous haircut/look and wears a store uniform, so there's no gender clue there.

I am thinking I need to just stop saying "sir" and "ma'am" altogether, but I like the politeness and I don't know how I would replace it in a gender-neutral way. Is there anything better than just dropping it entirely?

For background I'm a millennial and more than happy to use people's correct pronouns if I know them!

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[–] Xavienth@lemmygrad.ml 0 points 7 months ago (1 children)

All of these, maybe with the exception of duck and gaffer, if said in North America would be either not seen as gender neutral, or would be especially creepy if a man used it.

[–] Hugh_Jeggs@lemm.ee 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That's cos yous are professional offence-takers 😂

Cos yer ma didn't pay you enough attention as bairns

[–] Xavienth@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Or they just have different connotations here. Would it be acceptable for a man to go up to a woman he's never met before and say "I'm in love with you" while she's just doing her job? If you say yes, I have to wonder who of us was really raised wrong.

[–] Hugh_Jeggs@lemm.ee -1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

On what fucking planet would a sane bloke ever do that?!?

Oh, wait, you don't have accessible mental healthcare for most people. As you were 😂

[–] Xavienth@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 7 months ago

Man unable to comprehend that words can have different meanings in different countries, and is unable to understand analogy, more at 11