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How should I change my polite behavior to be more accommodating? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 7 months ago by clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

98 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My parents raised me to always say "yes sir" and "no ma'am", and I automatically say it to service workers and just about anyone with whom I'm not close that I interact with. I noticed recently that I had misgendered a cashier when saying something like "no thank you, ma'am" based on their appearing AFAB, but on a future visit to the store they had added their pronouns (they) to their name tag. I would feel bad if their interaction with me was something they will remember when feeling down. This particular person has a fairly androgynous haircut/look and wears a store uniform, so there's no gender clue there.

I am thinking I need to just stop saying "sir" and "ma'am" altogether, but I like the politeness and I don't know how I would replace it in a gender-neutral way. Is there anything better than just dropping it entirely?

For background I'm a millennial and more than happy to use people's correct pronouns if I know them!

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[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 27 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I think just go the Invader Zim route and infer honorifics by height.

"Yes, my tallest" and "forgive me, my tallest" should cover you in most yes/no situations.

And if they're not taller than you? Well then they're less intelligent, so you can turn up your nose in scorn and look over heads until they go away.

I learned a lot of about social interaction from that show.

[–] nephs@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

Funny, but problematic. I know it's a joke.

I like the idea to use unexpected cumpliment, as "my connoisseur", "my most esteemed", "my commander", "my captain", "my sibling", "my comrade", "boss", "friend", or something.

Pointing at physical characteristics? Not as amazing.

[–] Hammocks4All@lemmy.ml 4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Come to brasil where people are called champion, master, professor, doctor, or warrior.

Saying thanks to the cashier? “Thanks, doctor”

Edit: But Portuguese is gendered so I guess this doesn’t avoid the original problem… except in English it would

[–] nephs@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 7 months ago

Commander, captain, uncle, brother, comrade, Chief, big friend Bring us down another round

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 2 points 7 months ago

I quite like the idea of something in the spirit of "yes my good fellow", with fellow obviously being a bit too masculine despite its chuminess.

What about using some generic gender neutral names like Robin or Quinn (even if their name isn't Robin or Quinn):

"Yes my good Robin" or "Yes my good Quinn"

[–] Mesa@programming.dev 1 points 7 months ago

Pointing at physical characteristics? Not as amazing.

Worse? Or better?

[–] VinesNFluff@pawb.social 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If they are short do you use "Short <king/queen/sovereign>" instead?

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

No, you call them "shorty" and make wild claims about it being their birthday