Hating someone your whole life is great in movies and video games, where the hater uses their drive, intelligence, resources and lack of concern about any consequences to pull off some really amazing revenge. But in the real world, I think most of us aren't willing to go to the lengths needed to properly pay our hated back to someone. So if we can't act on our hated to the level we feel they deserve, then the only person who would suffer from that hated is the person caryring it around, day after day. Of course, never forget what they did, you don't want it to happen to you again, but forgiving isn't about letting them off the hook, it's about allowing yourself to start feeling good again.

That being said, feel however you want to feel, I ain't the feelings police. But that's how I see it.

[–] Kedly@lemm.ee 16 points 6 months ago

Thats why I forget, but dont forgive

[–] TotallynotJessica@lemmy.world 3 points 6 months ago

I don't know if forgiving is the same thing as no longer dwelling on the feeling. Forgiveness to me means that I'll take no additional negative action towards them if given the opportunity.

It's actually pretty easy for me to forgive. All they need to do is admit wrongdoing and convince me they have no motivation to do it again. I'll even show kindness towards someone I haven't forgiven if I think it will prevent them from causing future harm.

I'm not a hateful person, but I've learned that some people cannot be won over with kindness alone. Those that bully the weak will require strength to oppose. As long as they feel like they're above you in the hierarchy, love alone won't work. Only when they feel on equal footing to you will they cooperate and listen.

I can let go of hate without forgiving. I've learned how to move on because I don't forgive. Not forgiving gives me security in future interactions, as I work towards being able to forgive. I've needed to master my emotions for other reasons, so I know my approach wouldn't be possible for most people.

[–] shani66@ani.social 1 points 6 months ago

I don't suffer from carrying hate. My near boundless hate doesn't do anything for my day to day, and on the off off off chance i ever get to do anything about it it'll feel so good to indulge in.