Asklemmy

What she told me was that she (who is clearly a wonderful liberal and open human being and like 10/10 just absolutely WONDERFUL human being) had to mourn the death of her "daughter" because she now had a son. And even though logically she knew that it was what was right for him. That he was his own person, and that he had the right to choose. He was still young (dependent) and she did have some stipulations to his transition (in that she wanted him to hold off on hrt until he was 18 years of age). But this isn't a surprise in itself - as I have actually heard of many trans individuals of my generation coming out to their loved ones and being asked the same thing. And I know there is some science behind it in the sense that people say that getting it too early can be detrimental to one's health. But likewise, I haven't seen a young transperson who was on treatment who wasn't just happy and healthy.

But it's not really my place to talk, as I myself am technically "trans" (genderqueer) but absolutely do not believe I belong to the circle of individuals who need far more support than I. That's not to say I am a separatist. I just think people like me dilute the brand so to speak. I'm am who I am, and I am not in a space of flux. Mind you, I've gotten the short end of the stick a handful of times due to gender-politics I can mostly hold my own against the battle for my very existence. BUT! I totally got lost here. I guess I'll state that I have been doing gender-play since I came out around twenty-years ago. My best friend and I are both queer as hell, so I've always been the mister of our dynamics and he the missus. But also gender is stupid, because we were playing with it (hence the genderqueer) but I cannot tell you how many times I got the "who's the man?" question whenever I was dating someone and half the calls came from inside the building. (So fuck gender rolls!)

BUT! Back to the mourning. She just basically expressed (and I have a strong belief that most individuals alive will have their strongest primal connection to their mothers as long as it's formed because I think the entire process is incredibly taxing and very primal and enforces strict bonds between the mother and the child) that she felt like she had lost her daughter. And that she felt like it was akin to her daughter dying. And you know how parents have dreams and expectations for their kids, I am guessing those had to dry up (as I have seen it happen in my own space). And that she had to now meet up with her son - who has been here all along, but in hiding. And has to basically learn someone new, regardless of the logic being that her son was always himself and the daughter was the mask. Because emotions don't give a toot about logic. But I can say that I lived through something similar (yet less radical) when an ex of mine told me he was trans. I've dated transfolks across the spectrum, but I was taken aback by this. It kinda blindsided me. And logically, I know he's trans and people are who they say they are and I respect that. It just seemed so out of left field for me, and I had to sort of mourn who he was (didn't tell a soul until now -hi internet!) even though I was full-steam ahead for him - because I want to be supportive with the people I love.