this post was submitted on 02 Aug 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works
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Anon goes out with friends (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works 81 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

That evening, someone didn't get the pizza they ordered. They must've been pretty bummed about it. But Anon was certainly happier to eat it than they were upset to not get it, so total happiness increases!

[–] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 47 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Anon told his boss, so maybe boss ordered another pizza?

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

yea most likely someone just had to wait double the time for their pizza, which can be as little as 20minutes

[–] cactusupyourbutt@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago

and no matter how miffed I‘d be about the longer wait, I would be very happy about it if they explained it

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 29 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I heard someone jumped off of that bridge that night due to being so bummed about not getting their pizza.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I heard it was the entire family.

[–] loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

The way I heard it was different. I heard the whole family was part of a death cult had planned to kill themselves by ordering an anthrax pizza at a shady pizzaria. Anon shared that pizza with the delivery guy, but as the later started experiencing strange symptoms, anon was unscathed. He called an ambulance in time for them to save him, and while running tests on Anon, they found a so far unknown antibody that made him immune to anthrax and some other pathogens and that could be used to save others. This night, Anon probably saved thousands, both by helping uncover a death cult conspiracy and helping medicine improve. The family that had ordered the suicide pizza went to therapy and came out alright. A raccoon safely gave birth that night. She would've been ran over by the pizza guy had he not seen Anon and stopped. One of the little raccoons would later forage a garbage container, throwing out a pipebomb that was on it's way. This allowed the bomb to be found and disarmed in time, saving dozens of lives, including Anon's.

[–] Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Probably the boss explained something happened and sent them another pizze for free or gave them a refund.