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How do you feel you've aged? (piefed.social)

submitted 3 months ago by cashmaggot@piefed.social to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Are you radically different than your younger self? Are there key elements that have stayed the same? Most parts? Do you feel as if you've followed the "roadmap of life" or forged your own path? Have there been "chapters" or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow? Share what you'd like!

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[–] cashmaggot@piefed.social 1 points 3 months ago

Kintsugi =)! Hahaha! I only smile because I am part-Japanese and I grew up looking at one of those vases during my childhood. I hear what you're saying. My health took a huge spiral (I've actually got a doc appointment I've gotta leave for in 20) and it fucked me up. I was a really industrious person, and everything slowed to a trickle. And in that trickle, there was only pain. I really felt cheated, and angry. And hopless. I was so fucking mad, I was too young. That's how I saw it. Too young to be hurting like this. But now I'm working together with my medical team, and the loving support of the people in my life and I am optimistic about things. But I don't think I will ever go back to who I was. And that's a falsehood, I don't think it's solid thinking in general. And I was feeding myself that and making myself sick with this pain that if I couldn't go back to the way things were - why fight at all? And I totally have childhood trauma that has fucked certain ways that I get to experience/interact with the world. And I don't think anything really will go through and fix that. And I think a part of accepting that helps me just be...me. And yeah, restarting takes a lot of energy and it sucks every time you've gotta muster it especially as you get older.

BUT! I still think that the whole it's worth the venture. And I didn't always think this way, but that's yet again why I was talking about shrinks. Because I think finding the right shrink helps unravel all the rest. Because she got me to move forward in a way that I was unwilling to at the time because I couldn't see outside of what I was feeling immediately. And it was exhaustion and pain.

If you wanna keep talking though, I am here. And I hope you find what you need ultimately to feel better. Even if it's just a bunch of menial things.