Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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- selfh.st Newsletter and index of selfhosted software and apps
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If you don't strictly speaking need XMPP, you might want to checkout Jami which is a peer-to-peer based chat app with a fairly polished UI. It still definitely feels like beta software at times though, so more of a "be aware of it and check in on it" than "actively use this for all of your chats" sort of thing.