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Poorly socialized rule (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 months ago by PugJesus@lemmy.world to c/196@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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[-] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 33 points 2 months ago

Men grow up to have whatever habits worked well for them when they were boys.

Tolerate dishonesty in boys? They'll be dishonest as men.

Encourage aggression in boys? They'll be aggressive as men.

Oblige pickiness in boys? They'll be picky as men.

This is inevitably true of women too, though girls tend to push different boundaries than boys.

Reward emotional manipulation in girls? They'll be emotionally manipulative as women. (Boys do this too, but they're often not as subtle about it, get called out, and switch to anger instead)

[-] Malfeasant@lemm.ee 11 points 2 months ago

Oblige pickiness in boys? They'll be picky as men.

I feel like this isn't necessarily a bad thing... My son is super picky, and it's annoying for sure, but it doesn't deserve to be in the same list as dishonesty or aggression... It means he knows what he likes and won't let anyone push him into something he's not comfortable with. He'll try new things on occasion, but he has to be ready for it, if we push him he just digs in and refuses to budge. I've had the best results with "hey bud, want to try this? It's really good" and when he says no, "suit yourself, more for me." It doesn't work often, but when it does, it sticks. New food option unlocked. My wife will bargain with him, and she gets him to try stuff, but only to get what she's offering, even if he ends up liking it, he needs to keep up the appearance that he doesn't because it's been made into such a big deal...

[-] merc@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago

There are pluses and minuses for most things. Aggression can be very useful if the kid is into sports, or even competitive video games. Too much can be a problem, but too little and you get Milton from Office Space.

Pickiness can be thought of as the opposite of adventurousness. If someone's too picky they may never try new things. If they're too adventurous, they may never settle down, and might seek out situations that are too dangerous and thrilling.

I don't know if how you're raising your kid is good or not. But, I do know that as a kid, my parents never would have put up with that kind of pickiness. Either I ate what they were preparing, or I didn't eat that meal. On one hand, this did result in my absolutely hating brussels sprouts. They were always prepared ultra mushy and now, even if I try some that are prepared well, the memory of the disgusting ones comes up and I gag. On the other hand, I'm pretty adventurous when it comes to trying new foods. I'll hesitate a bit at brains or other organs, bugs, and fermented things, but other than that I'm eager to try new things. I think overall it served me well to have been pushed to eat outside my tiny comfort zone as a kid.

[-] PugJesus@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Either I ate what they were preparing, or I didn’t eat that meal.

My mother tried that with me. Unfortunately for her, I inherited her stubbornness, so I was willing to just not eat and/or be punished.

Eventually she caved and changed the rule from "Eat what I make or don't eat" to "Eat what I make or make something your damn self", which I found much more agreeable.

[-] Revan343@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Oh hey, it's me

My mom wasn't as stubborn though, she caved to "Fine, make it yourself" pretty early, and then I ended up being a decent cook. I attribute the fact that I took Home Ec (particularly cooking) to the fact that I was picky, and was allowed to be so

[-] Malfeasant@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

Ok, there's a lot here so I'm going to try to address it all without losing my train of thought and going off on too many tangents...

For one, I don't think food pickiness translates at all to general adventurousness. Our daughter will try anything food-wise, but she's a chicken otherwise. Fortunately she's not quite as stubborn as our son, and she's also a show-off, so she'll overcome her fear if it gives her something to brag about.

I was a pretty picky eater as a child too, but I would also leave the house and do my own thing way past when I was expected to come home, much to the chagrin of whichever parent I was living with at the time. My dad would just send me to bed with no TV if I didn't eat what was presented, which was a pretty big motivator to me at the time, as well as trying to make me feel bad for insulting his ability to cook. I remember swordfish that was like leather, and scallops like rubber... I'll never try either of those things now. My mom on the other hand would go apeshit if I didn't eat her food, there were more than a few times she would force feed me, just one of many ways she illustrated the line between discipline and abuse by stepping over it ...

Anywho... We can't really do the whole "eat it or you go hungry" thing with our son because he was born with a heart defect that makes it hard for him to gain weight, and that's the one thing he needs to do to overcome it. He just turned 7, and while his height is about average, his weight is about that of a 5 year old. He's a noodle.

I don't think being forced to try new foods when you're young makes you more likely to try new foods as you get older, you just get more ok with trying new foods as you get older regardless.