Hi, I just discovered this site. I'm hoping to make some friends. I'm stuck at home and lonely. So I'll tell you a bit about myself. I'm cis female, ace. I've been having cancer treatment for quite a while and recently had a stroke. I'm going through a disability benefit appeal. All my friends drifted away when I got sick as I was no longer fun. The last time i saw my friends was at my 25th birthday party. I'm turning 41 this year. I've had no social life or offline companionship since then. I worked several jobs including fitness instructor and carer for the elderly, then went to university in my 20s to study philosophy. I had to drop out due to the side effects of my cancer meds.
My life now revolves around endless benefit assessments, last one I was awarded zero points and had my money stopped. I'm currently fighting it but now have no money at all and a maxxed out overdraft. Food bank access is awful so I'm starving constantly. I've been learning to walk again since the stroke. Previously I was sporty but now it's painful to even walk. So I wanted to take up art as a hobby, start learning to draw from scratch but I can't even afford paper and pencils.
So, life is awful. I need a distraction and someone to talk to. I used to talk to the people on a suicide pact forum (I've already made on attempt and often feel desperate enough to try again) but I just got banned from there for trying to sell my meds on there. Don't judge me please - I was only trying to do that out of financial desperation! So now I have literally no-one to talk to online or in real life.
Obviously I'm a leftist. I'm sick of this world where some people are billionaires while millions starve.
The Tories in red only seem to be making things worse, if I were you I'd be reaching out to citizens advice. They really helped me with money issues and told me what to do when handling debts like requesting a freeze, helped with pip and universal credit. Beyond that I have some Devon centric help lines I understand you may feel beyond help but like Lenin said of his brother, we're no good dead (probably poorly quieted).
citizens advice are already helping with my claim. neither they nor macmillan nor churches nor anyone give a fuck about my food situation or will do anything to help. they all fob me off and pass me to the next organisation, saying it's their job to help. i just don't have the energy for this any more. It's exhausting enough having literal cancer treatment, never mind starving on top of that and continually having to search and beg for food on top of that. I can't keep doing this.
Fuck churches, they are always wanting something in return sly fuckers.
Are you on matrix chat? NHS mental health stuff has been similar, 2 years being tossed about but eventually I was put into a programme that worked for me and have meds that work for me. At the start it all felt so insurmountable as things often do, I hope you can make it to a similar point where ending isn't what you see as the only option.
Anyway I suffer with si and avoid the subject when I can.
I've had 5 different therapies and 5 or 6 different antidepreessants. None worked. How can they? My problem is poverty and they won't solve that. Therapy and meds won't numb the hunger pangs or reduce the stress of impending homelessness.