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[-] bleph@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Homie I'm sorry that happened.

You might want to do some research on:

  • verbal abuse
  • narcissistic parent
  • low self esteem

This is what I wish someone else told me.

Good luck on your journey

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Thanks for the sympathy- my mom hasn't been very emotionally stable for my whole life. She's not perfect and sometimes I think she's wrong, but I know she loves and cares about me

[-] redsol2@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I read a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. My mom is similar, and it gave me a lot of insight into why she behaves the way she does, and how I may have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result. Highly recommend.

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'll look at it- I care about my mom a ton so it's hard for me to criticize her. But, I also understand sometimes she doesn't act in a supportive way

[-] entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 1 year ago

You should at least recognize that you're holding a double standard here: she's able to criticize you all she wants yet you know she cares and loves you, but it's hard for you to criticize her because you care.

That kind of double standard is an unhealthy dynamic that hurts both of you and your relationship with each other. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was either of your intent for it to be that way, but it has ended up that way regardless of best efforts.

[-] Contramuffin@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Oh, just because someone is abusive or unsupportive doesn't mean that they don't love you. It just means that their interactions aren't healthy for you and you need to establish boundaries.

Regardless, I hope that you're doing well. I don't know what your project is, but I can certainly tell you that it's much more impressive than anything I've made

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

That's true, but I feel like the internet is quick to brand people having moments of failure as abusive. Nobody is perfect, and I can't expect my parents to be perfect. Imo, calling my mom abusive is far too extreme.

[-] entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 1 year ago

Well, and anybody can say or do things that are abusive.

Different people have different levels of tolerance for abusive behavior. The question is, when does it go from, "a person prone to occasional abusive bullshit" to "a person in the habit of committing acts of abuse"?

It's a lot like addiction in the sense that it's a sliding scale, but people largely outside of it will freely brand the slightest hint as a full blown catastrophe.

[-] Sivaru@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

Yes, in this world there is no one who wants what is good for you more than your parents. Many people forget that, if your parents have problems, you need to take care of them.

[-] bleph@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I don't agree with this in all cases.

True, parents usually have a deeply ingrained emotional need to protect and nurture their children but:

  • Not all parents do. Narcissists have children all the time. When they do, they cloak their emotional vampirism in 'love' like they do in all relationships.
  • Even parents with the best intentions have to work HARD not to pass on their generational traumas, abuses, and bad habits.
  • Only the child can truly know what will fulfill them as a person. Parents often substitute what they wanted for their younger selves for the child's best interest.

For those still thinking I have no idea what I am talking about and you and your parents are different... please look into "enmeshment" for your own sake

[-] Sivaru@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I agree with you on the first one. There are parents who do not deserve to be called parents, and they should be punished.(It's too complicated to discuss in a paragraph, each case alone, and the future effects on the child...). We live in a sick society. In the case of the OP, it is simple,this is not necessary, and his only task is to take care of his mother to not repeat the mistakes of his parents in the future to break the loop. But I don't agree with the last one, children don't know exactly what they want (we the adults don't know what we want sometimes let alone children) but parents should respect their opinions and guide them and teach them how to make the right decision instead of making the decision for them. Have a good day.

[-] Sivaru@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

I agree with you on the first one. There are fathers who do not deserve to be called fathers, and they should be punished. (It is too complicated to discuss in a paragraph, each case alone, and the future effects on the child...). We live in a sick society. In the case of the OP, it is simple,this is not necessary, and his only task is to take care of his father and not repeat the mistakes of his fathers in the future to break the cycle. But I don't agree with the last one, children don't know exactly what they want (we adults don't know what we want sometimes let alone children) but parents should respect their opinions and guide them and teach them how to make the right decision instead of making the decision for them. Have a good day.

[-] onlooker@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago

Wow. This pretty much constitutes verbal abuse. I'm sorry you had to hear all that. And hey, I'm happy for you!

[-] Korne127@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'm genuinely just really sorry. 104 stars is awesome for a hobby project, and if she isn't, I'm proud of that and happy for you :)
But yeah, I'm sorry that she hasn't appreciated that and reacted in a nice way… and besides that, obviously coding open source is something good for job prospects.

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Yeah I guess. I've only been able to get internships- good internships. But I've never been able to get a real job

[-] Aidan@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

Well you managed to get the username aidan@lemmy.world before me, so that’s something

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

haha, yeah and it was only a week ago

[-] Korne127@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I wish you best of luck doing that (when you want to(?)); I hope you'll be able to get a good job in a field that you enjoy to work within.

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago
[-] winterayars@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

Bill Gates was Bill Gates because he had rich parents who got him access to millions of dollars of computer hardware at a time when that was much harder than today. If you're not Bill Gates it's on your parents, imo.

That said, 100 stars is great. Keep it up! That's 100 people who looked at the stuff you're doing, evaluated it using their expertise, and decided it was good enough work to call attention to.

[-] spauldo@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

That part of it, sure, but the guy was good at business and made some smart bets (that the microcomputer industry would explode, for one). Microsoft didn't get as big as it has based only on their technical ability. They got there because they made the right decisions and were cutthroat against their competitors.

Bill was at the right time and right place, but he was also the right guy. You gotta have them all.

[-] eskimofry@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

It's easy to make some smart bets when you can make many bets and fail over and over and not become destitute.

[-] winterayars@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago

Bill Gates did have some business expertise, yes.

[-] Hexadecimalkink@lemmy.ml 0 points 1 year ago

Cutthroat is an understatement. He did a lot of illegal stuff in the USA and internationally because governments had no idea how he was exploiting them/breaking commercial law. He also bribed hundreds of governments and stifled innovation. The world would be a better place without him.

[-] spauldo@lemmy.ml 0 points 1 year ago

Sure, but that's how business works when you're as big a company as Microsoft. And he was good at it.

I never said he was a nice guy, only that he was good at business.

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[-] galaxi@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

I'm proud of you!! That's huge. You should give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back. Verifiable progress and it's only up from here, keep it up :)

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

Honestly I don't know- I've been very lazy and lacking motivation for while so it's kinda going down

[-] tias@discuss.tchncs.de 0 points 1 year ago

I would lack motivation too if I grew up with a mom like that. You need to eject her talk from your head. Every day you wake up a new person and whatever had happened earlier is nothing but memories. Begin again. You're free, and life is full of opportunities.

[-] wt1a@lemmy.fmhy.ml 3 points 1 year ago

104 stars is damn impressive.. can’t compare github stars to low effort social media likes!

[-] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago

My mother told me to make Facebook. I tried explaining Facebook already existed, but it was no use.

[-] chickenwing@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You can run a Friendica instance and act like you invented it. My family was impressed when I "made my own Netflix" with a Plex server lol.

[-] skullgiver@popplesburger.hilciferous.nl 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

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[-] tr00st@lemmy.tr00st.co.uk 2 points 1 year ago

That's 102 stars more than my best... Nicely done :)

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

At least his heinously critical mom still looks young, I guess 🤷

Although most would probably count it as a negative that she looks to be the same age as her son.

Or maybe it's an unintended aspect of the art style and I should stop overanalysing everything like a goddamn moron, like MY mom keeps telling me 😉

[-] GnuLinuxDude@lemmy.ml 0 points 1 year ago

I've got a 60 star project on github. Some people have left some very nice feedback about how useful my code has been for them as a Linux alternative to a Windows program. I'm proud of my little bit of code, even if it hasn't earned me a single cent (nor do I have expectations for it to)!

[-] 5redie8@sh.itjust.works 0 points 1 year ago

Drop the github fam I'd love to take a look

[-] GnuLinuxDude@lemmy.ml 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'd love to but I would dox myself here which I don't want to do. I'll say this much: it is a thing where if you have looked for Linux alternatives of the Windows version, there is a small chance you've found my code already :)

[-] andrew@lemmy.stuart.fun 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Did you make a Linux hotdog stand theme??

[-] GnuLinuxDude@lemmy.ml 0 points 1 year ago

Haha. Is there a demand for that from old timer windows 2.0 users? That stuff is before my time :)

[-] copylefty@lemmy.ml 0 points 1 year ago

What's the GitHub link boss?

[-] aidan@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I wasn't actually referencing 1 project but the sum of 4(but most of the stars are in one)- so here's my profile

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[-] dullbananas@lemmy.ca -1 points 1 year ago
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this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2023
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